tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70769749181610143742024-03-05T22:30:39.795-07:00Shannon BlackhamTHE JOURNEY OF FAITH AND HEALING OF ONE REMARKABLE YOUNG WOMAN AND THOSE THAT LOVE HERUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger324125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-15909313392762192932024-01-19T18:23:00.001-07:002024-01-19T18:23:39.845-07:005000 Days<p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;">I often think back on the Shannon I became in the first ~16 years of my life. I look back on her with great honor, respect and admiration - all for good reason. She instilled within me a passion for learning, an unconditional love for all my brothers and sisters in this world, a joy for celestial music, a yearning for knowledge of truth and eternity, courage to take on this ugly world, faith to withstand any persecution, and the valiance to face it fearlessly. What I didn't know then was just how tumultuous all of that could mean. </span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;">Did early saints know how rough the road would be when they left their homes behind? Did Paul know what he signed up for when he agreed to testify of Christ? Did Daniel know what would happen if he chose to pray? Did Nephi know what the Lord would command him to do after he promised that he would be obedient? Did Joseph Smith know how persecuted he would be after going to the woods to pray? </span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;">No. They did not. But the Lord, in His infinite mercy and love, said, "okay, prove it." In like manner, I used to say, "</span></span><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">I'm grateful it happened to me instead of someone else." So, I can imagine the Lord, in an infinitely loving way say, "prove it." </span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">All of the pain, tribulations, heartache, etc. is not a way of the Lord punishing His own. But rather it is a way to sand off the rough edges, to be shaped and molded like clay, to wash away all the flaws and earthly imperfections, to be refined by mercy's fire. He does not enjoy watching us cry, but in His infinite wisdom, He lets us learn from falling, just as we do when teaching a baby to walk. After all, if we do not learn from falling, we'll never learn to walk; and if we do not learn from ourselves, how can we trust what we know?</span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">"Everyone will fall a time or two, and time and mercy heal the wounds. But the most important thing you can do is whisper a prayer, then as soon as you dare, try again. .... Even if the world has seen you crying, try again. And the Lord will see you through, and He'll be there to catch you when you fall."</span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;">So, through everything I've been through over the last 5000 days, I hope that despite all of my failures, my heartaches, my turmoil and pain, I hope that maybe I have done what I said I'd do when I told God I would return. Because "I am living proof that His love is real." "He heals, He knows, He gives, He cares, He hears, He shows, He's always there, and I'm living proof." </span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;">P.S. thanks to Cherie Call and Hilary Weeks for their beautiful songs linked below </span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWTkaedYk8s" target="_blank">Prove Me - Hilary Weeks </a></span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eSSl62vhpg" target="_blank">Try Again - Cherie Call</a></span></span></p><p><span face="Tahoma, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FdR4WteAd4" target="_blank">Living Proof - Hilary Weeks</a></span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span face=""DM Sans", sans-serif" style="background-color: #1d5e8a; color: #f0f0f0;"><br /></span></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-30609566498304912392023-05-13T17:47:00.001-06:002023-05-13T17:56:35.154-06:00I Choose to Go BackMy anniversary (May 12) is super hard every year. Every cell of our body remembers trauma and anticipates anniversaries of severely traumatic events. I have found that it helps for me to get feedback from others. I'll ask them why they are glad that I chose to come back after my accident, when I could've stayed on the other side of the veil. Or I'll ask what kind of difference I've made in their lives. Sometimes it's helpful just to know that I have made an impact, even if it's very small. This year, I asked my good friend, Matt Whitaker to write a letter or make a video for me. He told me that when he put his pen to paper, it came out as a poem. It is the most beautiful poem I've ever heard. So, with his permission, this is the poem. <div><div style="text-align: center;">“I Choose To Go Back”</div><div style="text-align: center;">She felt the love of Heaven’s Embrace,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Saw the light of a Heavenly Face.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Then heard the words: “They’re pleading for you.</div><div style="text-align: center;">What, dear child, would thou have me do?”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And as she looked into Eternal Eyes</div><div style="text-align: center;">She could hear the echoes of her family’s cries.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And her heart was filled with the faith to ask,</div><div style="text-align: center;">“Would it be alright if I chose to go back?”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">In response came a gentle nod</div><div style="text-align: center;">As grateful tears filled the Eyes of God.</div><div style="text-align: center;">“I love you, child, with all that I Am,</div><div style="text-align: center;">For your valiance and trust in the Eternal Plan.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I know that you know how hard this will be</div><div style="text-align: center;">To go back through the veil of mortality.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Back to a body that’s broken and bruised.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is this what you want? Is this what you choose?”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">She paused for a moment, as if deep in thought,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Considering something that she had been taught</div><div style="text-align: center;">By her mom and her dad, her sisters and brothers,</div><div style="text-align: center;">That happiness comes in the service of others.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And so, with a heart filled with hope and with kindness</div><div style="text-align: center;">She squared up her shoulders and made up her mind</div><div style="text-align: center;">That no matter how hard or how steep the path,</div><div style="text-align: center;">She would do it for others, she would choose to go back.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And knowing down deep in her soul it was best,</div><div style="text-align: center;">She whispered to Heaven the Word: She said, “Yes.”</div><div style="text-align: center;">With one more embrace, one more lingering smile,</div><div style="text-align: center;">God spoke to her heart, “I’ll be with you, my child.”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Then turning, she made her way back to our side</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of the veil, where she could only gently confide,</div><div style="text-align: center;">With the squeeze of a hand, “Yes, I’m back and I hear you.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I want you to know that I chose to be near you.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And often I’ll ask for your help as I go,</div><div style="text-align: center;">For blessings of strength and direction to know</div><div style="text-align: center;">How I can serve and progress on the path,</div><div style="text-align: center;">How to remember I chose to come back.”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And so every morning she picks up her cross.</div><div style="text-align: center;">She shoulders the pain and the lingering loss.</div><div style="text-align: center;">She makes her way forward one step at a time</div><div style="text-align: center;">Up the path, up the mountain she promised to climb.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And with her example we look on in wonder.</div><div style="text-align: center;">“How does she carry the burden she’s under?</div><div style="text-align: center;">How does she reach out to others beside her</div><div style="text-align: center;">And pick up their crosses and make them feel lighter?”</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The Answer, of course, is the One that she follows,</div><div style="text-align: center;">The One who carried the cross made for all</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of our sorrows and trials and troubles and pain.</div><div style="text-align: center;">She knows He’s the Path back to Heaven Again.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And that’s why she asks for our help on the way</div><div style="text-align: center;">That’s why we’re blessed and able to say</div><div style="text-align: center;">That because of our weakness and all that we lack</div><div style="text-align: center;">We’re so grateful she whispered, “I choose to go back.”<br /></div></div>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-67712894317667122302023-05-02T16:17:00.005-06:002023-05-02T16:21:04.775-06:00Beautifully Imperfect Family<p> God is perfect in His omniscience, omnipotence, and omnibenevolence. He knows all things, He has the power over all things, but He also has the perfect love for all things. His deepest love is for His children, you and me. Before Earth, I believe that we were able to consider the trials and challenges that we would face. God the Father knew the perfect situation to put us into to allow us to flourish - sometimes in this life, and sometimes not. But more importantly, He knew what we would need to get through the hardest of times. For me, one of those supporting figures is my dear family - near and far, old and young, close and distant, with all of <i>our </i>imperfections, nay, because of all of our imperfections. After all, these imperfections is what makes me able to thrive. </p><p>I have been extremely blessed into a unique family situation that very, very few others have ever had. I am the youngest with two sisters with disabilities. This has been exactly what I've needed for various reasons, but I'll get to that in a second, let's back it up first. My paternal grandparents - they were/are the most incredible people anyone had the chance to meet. It saddens me greatly that I can't remember much about them. But my grandma was incredibly loving and generous. She was an incredible baker and she loved to bring joy to others by baking. I remember sitting at their house with my grandpa eating homemade round bread with homemade jam and chocolate milk. She knew how to make the perfect pies and would deliver them to people on a frequent basis. She had the ultimate green thumb, but most importantly, she loved her family. With my grandpa, they built a foundation for an eternal family that would stay close - 2nd cousins, first cousins twice removed, and beyond. My grandpa was a chemistry professor at BYU and he developed debilitating Parkinsons later in life. Yet, he was a man completely without guile. Even as he watched my grandma suffer and die from cancer, he never complained. He never had an ill word to speak about anyone - even after they would steal, lie or cheat. He taught important truths of eternity using fundamentals of chemistry. I never knew my mom's dad because he died before I was born. But I know that he was a hard worker and that my grandma worked the rest of her life to be back with him after she died. That grandma was always the crazy old lady - at least that was my young child interpretation of dementia. But I got to know her on a more spiritual level as she was about to leave this Earth. During this time I came to understand how close she was to our Savior; how she wanted to bring all of His children back to Him in any way she could. She went on 7 (I think) missions - even a proselyting mission in her 80s! - and she did so much family history work. She expressed a desire to be "home," and while others weren't sure what she meant because she was at home, I knew. I knew that she wanted to be home with Father in Heaven because of my same desires.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5nwNGpVvgdSJ6fWuWbdbzdlEiL7qXPBLzZ2XKFxgDio3pzhMiqE4w_1azjJj-HM0R9VePzQnxUr0D17e-QgFiKdcgX2JmW-64fvBG0tAf5R82xHjLRT2U1TB1xlvATB1YJ9CqvVMJCbK1UyLGwpDG0yKJBOTUvNtnoeNz79lzBrdZeEafZqPfSsFwEQ/s2592/luella%20july%2031%2017.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2592" data-original-width="1944" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5nwNGpVvgdSJ6fWuWbdbzdlEiL7qXPBLzZ2XKFxgDio3pzhMiqE4w_1azjJj-HM0R9VePzQnxUr0D17e-QgFiKdcgX2JmW-64fvBG0tAf5R82xHjLRT2U1TB1xlvATB1YJ9CqvVMJCbK1UyLGwpDG0yKJBOTUvNtnoeNz79lzBrdZeEafZqPfSsFwEQ/s320/luella%20july%2031%2017.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigUMPhHL5RB0wuJUOYYwhyVuMg4rf923zCQlnHLrilGmtd7z9DCKog_AbqrrHKJgx21_U0wOkCHsNZBF71n-6Xwqw60WqD3DUGOBn4PuBlz_xfoVtG2eO4iXeNXMlmSAqtmswKzCvYh75nPgHalkv06aLEEibm7GT0cd3xQxFm2Pw70G3Zlj6mJMW5cA/s2048/IMG_0309.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1660" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigUMPhHL5RB0wuJUOYYwhyVuMg4rf923zCQlnHLrilGmtd7z9DCKog_AbqrrHKJgx21_U0wOkCHsNZBF71n-6Xwqw60WqD3DUGOBn4PuBlz_xfoVtG2eO4iXeNXMlmSAqtmswKzCvYh75nPgHalkv06aLEEibm7GT0cd3xQxFm2Pw70G3Zlj6mJMW5cA/s320/IMG_0309.jpg" width="259" /></a></div><br /><p>Then we have my parents. My dad is very smart. He can put things together and synthesize things that no one else can. I got my intelligence and my left brain thinking especially from my dad. My mom has the most sincere and genuine heart. She can listen and reassure in ways that only she can. I often say that my dad is my head while my mom is my heart. When I have intellectual issues, I go to my dad; but when I have big emotions, I go to my mom. She often feels that intellect is more important, because that's what society places higher value to. But I could never be where I am today without her unique influence on my heart and spirit. Not to mention that she helps me with all sorts of other things too, like organizing, cleaning, gardening, cooking, etc. Although, despite all of their traits, the thing that is most beneficial to me is all of the hardship they have endured as a married couple. Having 2 children born with disabilities was anything but easy. Having all of their children be so diverse in ability, personality, spirituality, etc. was also difficult. And then, there was my accident. But I don't believe I could've been any luckier than to have them as my parents. And yes, of course I have siblings to thank for that as well. </p><p></p><p>My second oldest brother, Nathan has a daughter who developed leukemia when she was only 3 years old. Because of this, my brother does everything he can to better understand what it feels like to have a brain injury on a personal level. My oldest sister, who is 12 years older than me, was born with Rett Syndrome. Rett Syndrome is a genetic anomaly that halts development around 18 months old. Boys don't usually live past 2 years old. It varies for girls but there is no prognosis after they reach 40. My sister is almost 42, which is a miracle in and of itself. But she taught my parents a lot about learning and adapting to unrealized expectations. She taught my parents a lot of patience and empathy. She continues to teach them to love someone beyond their disability. And then there is Tonya. She has her own unique set of disabilities. But, Tonya is the most amazing friend and sister anyone could ever have. We have always been the best of friends - long before we came to Earth - and I believe that we agreed to always have each others' backs when we needed it. In this way, she is my "borka." (It's a word I made up, don't worry about it. The meaning of it is everything that Tonya is to me and everything I am to Tonya.) She still doesn't always understand the brain injury, but she is aware that there are times that I am just sad, frustrated, upset, etc. because my "brain is broken." And in those moments, she is there for me. She will hold me, cuddle me, or bring me a kitty cat when that's exactly what I need. She doesn't know what to say, and that's more than okay. Often times, there isn't anything to say. She loves with all her heart. And I can feel that love. </p>I also have 2 more wonderful siblings, Aaron and Kate, but the point I'm trying to make is that our Omnipotent Father in Heaven knows exactly what we need and he places trials and tragedies in our lives for a purpose. He knew that I would need a very understanding, compassionate parents and siblings who knew firsthand what disabilities can do to a person. He knew I would need a close extended family to call upon when all of my friends left me. He knew that I would need the gospel in my life, He knew the exact family I would need to be able to endure through something as hard and as terrible as <i>my </i>unique traumatic brain injury. Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-4981251334858234052023-01-14T13:03:00.002-07:002023-01-14T13:05:44.586-07:00Lost All Hope<p> Since the holiday break, I have been a total mess. My anxiety has been through the roof. Nightmares have been constant, and worse and worse. Therefore sleep barely happens and when it does it's anything but restful. I have given up on so many things in life. I've given up on having a head/face that is in any way, shape or form normal. I've given up on having a body that actually works. I've given up on the chance of ever finding love or even a friendship that will last very long. Heck, even having many friends that won't later give me more abandonment issues. I've given up ever feeling happy or just not anxious. I've lost hope. I've given up the idea that the second coming is right around the corner, which is where all of my hope came from. I've given up the idea of ever looking or at least feeling beautiful. I've been forced to give up all of my hopes and dreams and attempt to create new ones. Cautiously I'd try. But I have no hope in anything at all anymore. </p><p>I released the podcast hoping it would give me a sense of purpose; feeling like I could help someone. I know that none of the episodes so far would do that, but I have been stifled and unable to produce anything since right before the holidays. What is currently being released was pre-recorded. I can't seem to find it within myself to finish a script. I can't finish anything. </p><p>I don't want to do anything. I haven't felt this low in a very, very long time. And I don't know how to pick myself up from this one. When I have been this low before, I didn't have as clear of a head on my shoulders. I thought that suicide was the answer. I know now that wouldn't solve anything, and would only make things worse for those I love. I had backup supports, medications, things I enjoyed, etc. But those things are gone, no longer work, or are no longer enjoyable. I don't have a prescription for this one. I've learned (the hard way) what to do every other time. But this time, today, for the last month, I just don't. </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-62563277411431117122023-01-01T20:53:00.001-07:002023-01-01T20:53:23.186-07:00And My Journey Continues<p>As the persistent readers of this blog know, I have been blessed to be extraordinarily high functioning for the trauma that I sustained. Particularly blessed in both my intellect as well as my self awareness. Unfortunately, the increased awareness and knowledge makes the loss and grief more painful. I do not believe that this was from the magnificence of medicine, nor by mere accident. But rather through a God of miracles with a specific plan and purpose for specifically me. </p><p>Before my accident, I had a mindset of "why not me?" When life hit me hard, I would think about how I was able to handle the challenges with strength, maintain my testimony of the Gospel, and gain the ability to provide empathy for others. In no way did it change the difficulty, but rather it provided perspective and longsuffering. The accident changed that for me however. I felt that I had been dealt a hand that was far too hard. Yet over the years, as I've continued to grieve, to grow, to learn, to receive priesthood blessings, to ponder, to synergize thoughts with others, etc. I have slowly but surely began to return bit by bit to that mindset. I am still not fully there again, but I have felt strength as others go through something challenging and I can often respond with true compassion, love, and suggestions based on my unique real life experience. </p><p>I have a real passion for loving and helping others, which is a huge struggle with a TBI. Because of the brain injury, helping people in any "normal" capacity is beyond my limitations. So, being able to help others in empathy, compassion, and suggestions through their own difficulties is the best way I have found to fulfil that desire. After observing this pattern in myself and trying to create some sort of alternative way to increase that fulfilment, I decided to start a podcast. </p><p>The podcast will be called "After You've Fallen." My desire is to provide coping skills, managing techniques, and insights to a myriad of challenges an individual can face. I have endured through some extremely difficult physical, mental, emotional, sexual, social, and cognitive issues, and I am still going through them. I wish to connect with others to make them feel like they are not alone, and there is always hope. I have just begun to appreciate the fact that I have been dealing with the post-brain-injury effects for 12+ years. I have recognized that I have learned ways to combat many difficulties that others struggle with for the first time. </p><p>Please share this podcast with others you might know. I do not expect every episode to relate to everyone. But, there might be one or two episodes in particular that can reach someone in a dark place. I'm going to be releasing this podcast on (I think) every podcast forum as well as on "After You've Fallen" YouTube. There is an official Instagram page that I'll be updating with each new episode. The first episode will be released on the 9th of January and it will be giving a little bit of background and some of what's in store for future episodes. The second episode will actually be on Thursday the 12th, telling the story of the accident. After that, each episode will be every Monday. Join me on the journey next week! </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNbMhAnOGkE5TYDglN-vc9EI3jzMgRUCG2LsI_TYcS2QgaB0DBsQZzoF8XrPjKgwHj4FPQT7ZTYpnS5aX4mx6gwiygO7ElYcv5lHZrfAS9SauKJHJ-Ix16RHt-T4thKcDwY_-ImChMSvbA1eMpKMissp3uUmDuYAsZK_-D2hBhDCMVcBerfEMrvjVJw/s1400/after%20you've%20fallen%20thumbnail.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="1400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNbMhAnOGkE5TYDglN-vc9EI3jzMgRUCG2LsI_TYcS2QgaB0DBsQZzoF8XrPjKgwHj4FPQT7ZTYpnS5aX4mx6gwiygO7ElYcv5lHZrfAS9SauKJHJ-Ix16RHt-T4thKcDwY_-ImChMSvbA1eMpKMissp3uUmDuYAsZK_-D2hBhDCMVcBerfEMrvjVJw/s320/after%20you've%20fallen%20thumbnail.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-19023508182085153502022-11-16T17:16:00.002-07:002022-12-08T14:52:25.599-07:00It's Not an Excuse<p>I had quite a few things figured out before my accident, at 16 years old. One of those things was to not care what other people think about me. For the most part, that still exists. But not always... so yesterday I sat and tried to figure out why. After pondering for a little bit, I discovered the heartbreaking truth. </p><p>I do not care what people think about me - if it's something that I can control. My likes and dislikes, my appearance, my opinions, etc are all things that I have control over. These things I couldn't care less if people agree or disagree. The things that I have no control over however, those are the things that really bother me. At first glance, that doesn't make any sense. If you can't change it, why care what other people think? The problem is that everyone else thinks that I <i>can </i>change it. </p><p>"Stop using your TBI as an excuse!" "When are you going to grow up and take actual responsibility?" "The next time you blame your TBI for anything, I'm done." Etc. are all things that I hear far too often. When people say these kinds of things to me, it invalidates all of my attempts to win the fight I am constantly in. The absolute worst part is, that I place extreme value in accountability. It is very, very important to me that I take responsibility for the actions I do have control over and to work hard at correcting the mistakes I have made. These mistakes include times that the understanding of consequences has eluded me, times the fatigue takes over and the TBI runs the show, times that I lack social filters, among many others. I am not yet the master of the brain injury, but I challenge its dominance more than you could imagine. There are far too many times that "Shannon" loses control. But there are also several symptoms that I have overcome. The discouraging thing is that the vast majority of symptoms I still struggle with are totally invisible. This often causes others to think that I use the TBI as an excuse. Unfortunately, they have no idea how hard I constantly work to defeat the brain injury. </p><p>Do I get bothered when people tease me about something I can't control like my height? Absolutely not. But does it destroy me when people get upset or frustrated over something that is a direct result of the TBI? Without a doubt. It could be because they think that I'm intentionally being a pain, or it could be because of how much I still grieve the damage myself. It could be that I get more frustrated than anyone with the TBI, but at least "most" of the time I know that it's not me (not always though which is even more frustrating). It could be that I so desperately <i>wish </i>that I could control these things. It's not just a reflection on myself that kills me, it's that people associate me with wonderful things, like the church and my family, and I feel like I disrespect them when people view me in a negative way. Please, be patient with me and recognize that I'm never going to use the TBI as a mere excuse and that I am doing the absolute best I can in any and every given moment. Sometimes my best will be better than others, but we are all that way. Take a moment to think about how different life would be if we were less judgmental/critical and saw everyone as doing the best they can. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvvFy8rCa8OA-LUpJR39nTVo9H45GEVPJ0q8QRSIw33i_ZojLchc4U8SEgSLY4pIt19YGcEMy6HdTZSpIdI_plN6Hy0LPLCQfop9TLpD5Tq2768Xi6aG0jiotDK6oJEghQbrWkeKf1Wp7jPvDpCyfuu5SripyI3nUuIznLzF1Jjxs3HtnB03hCHTKyIA/s960/excuse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="940" data-original-width="960" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvvFy8rCa8OA-LUpJR39nTVo9H45GEVPJ0q8QRSIw33i_ZojLchc4U8SEgSLY4pIt19YGcEMy6HdTZSpIdI_plN6Hy0LPLCQfop9TLpD5Tq2768Xi6aG0jiotDK6oJEghQbrWkeKf1Wp7jPvDpCyfuu5SripyI3nUuIznLzF1Jjxs3HtnB03hCHTKyIA/s320/excuse.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-61837959625939119072022-10-12T10:29:00.001-06:002022-10-12T10:29:47.984-06:00Supposed Injustice Makes Sense with an Eternal Superimposition<p style="text-align: left;"> Supposed Injustice Makes Sense with an Eternal Superimposition.... what the crap do I mean by that? Well, why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do some actions have good consequences while other good things perhaps have bad consequences? This is what I mean by the supposed injustice. However, I call it supposed based on the "eternal superimposition." Okay Shannon, what is an eternal superimposition? A superimposition is when something is laid on top of another to clearly display both images. Therefore, an eternal superimposition would be when your pain, sorrow and heartache in this world is still very visible on the other side, while also being blessed abundantly for those afflictions. <br />This "injustice" is something I have struggled with ever since the accident. I was a great person, with great plans for the future and then my life went to hell in a handbasket. I have expressed different philosophies I have come up with over the course of the last 12 years. One such philosophy I expressed at my 2020 birthday devotional. This was the idea that something good or even great must be destroyed to become something better. I found scriptural evidence of this idea earlier this week. Jeremiah 1:10 reads "<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
have this day set thee…to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to
throw down (sound like the destruction? But then it follows saying…) to build,
and to plant." Something better could not be created until everything was first destroyed. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Furthermore, losing things that were so important to you at one time in your life feels like a weakness. Even getting profits of only this world is a weakness. However, God knows what He is doing. In Ether 12:27 -28 it says "</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%;">I </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note27b"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">b</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">give</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%;"> unto
men weakness that they may be humble; and my </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note27c"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">c</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">grace</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%;"> is
sufficient for all men that </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note27d"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">d</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">humble</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%;"> themselves
before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then
will I make </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note27e"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">e</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%; padding: 0in;">weak</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; line-height: 107%;"> things
become strong unto them.</span><span style="background: white; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #4e2800; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">Behold… I will show unto them that </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note28a"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">a</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">faith</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note28b"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">b</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">righteousness</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">.” </span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">The righteousness in humbling oneself to the Lord
provides an eternal perspective in this life.</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">The eternal perspective helps us to feel at peace and endure
the hard things with an understanding heart. Furthermore, we receive the
ultimate joy in the hereafter, as verse 3</span><span style="color: #4e2800; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">7 continues “</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">And because thou hast
seen thy </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/ether/12?lang=eng#note37b"><i><sup><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">b</span></sup></i><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; padding: 0in;">weakness</span></a></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down
in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.”</span><span style="color: #4e2800; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Since our weakness, challenges, hardships make us more reliant on the Savior,
and draw us closer to Him, perhaps this realization gives us a more positive
understanding of how they can bless our lives, not destroy them. <br /></span><span style="color: #4e2800; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">While we only see things from a finite, mortal point of view, things are unjust. However, with that "eternal superimposition" all things are made more infinite and abundantly joyful than we can even fathom. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #4e2800; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-27847195467483456892022-08-09T12:07:00.001-06:002022-08-09T12:07:08.594-06:00Agape<p>The love that I have for others is out of this world. I love easily, whole-heartedly, unconditionally and forever. In Greek there are 8 words for different types of love. My default love is agape. (I'll talk about all the different kinds of love on a podcast episode!!) Agape is Christlike love, charity, for all our brothers and sisters throughout the world. Agape is selfless and unconditional. As I interact with people, I gain other forms of love as well, most commonly philia. Philia is commonly referred to as "brotherly love," or the bond between two great friends. The love I have for people I grow close to is deep and penetrates the soul. Growing up, I thought that everyone loved the same way I do. It wasn't until after the accident that I learned how wrong I was. </p><p>Because of my love, I forgive very easily and quickly. Because of this love, I still mourn for all of my "friends" who left me even after some were excruciatingly mean. Because of this love, I want everyone to know that they can always count on me. I hope for goodness for everyone - and it pains me more than anything when I can't even know how someone is doing. I cannot explain how much it would mean to me if anyone of the people I used to know would just send me a message or call me and give me a small life update. I don't even need to see you or become a part of your life again, I just have an immense amount of love and wishing for your wellbeing. (I really don't know how to make that make sense.) </p><p>When I get blocked from yet another life, it feels like a rejection of love. Not only their love for me, but mine for them. Unfortunately, my love canNOT turn off. This is not merely painful, but it also damages healing within the body. Connection is vital to healing, which is exacerbated by a brain injury, which is also exacerbated by the deep agape, extrovert personality that I embody. So please, accept my pleas for forgiveness and connection once more. Please, reach out and just tell me how you are. I love you, all of you (even those I don't know), in a very unique, unconditional kind of way. </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-65372985150484767442022-06-19T07:44:00.001-06:002022-06-19T07:44:20.041-06:0012th Anniversary and Surgery #10<p>I apologize for not updating sooner. The anniversary of my accident is a significant day every year. It feels as though a wave of change, uncertainty, heartache, devastation and loss rushes through my body repeatedly on the 12th of May. This year was especially bad though because the intense nightmares, anxiety and other forms of PTSD did not stop for over a month - until I got surgery. </p><p>While I rarely get sleep anyway, anytime I fell asleep, AT ALL, I would immediately enter into REM stage (the dreaming stage) of sleep and nightmares would thrash. Therefore, I never got to sleep for very long. I felt extremely irritable and was always frustrated with the people I love the most. </p><p>But, on June 8th, I finally was able to go in for my 10th surgery. Honestly, I was so excited for this surgery. But less because of the actual procedure and more for the experience. From my previous surgeries, I had associated surgery with anesthesia, being cared for all the time by nurses in the hospital, having persistent intense pain killers, no expectations for when you'd "be better," etc. Unfortunately, this was not the case at all.</p><p>Surgery #10 was to go in and <i>actually </i>lift my eyebrows so that I could see. My eyebrows were so low that it was impeding my vision. Apparently, I had also exercised those eyebrows to the point where the technician said that my eyebrows were <b>really </b>strong. LoL </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiGSpBeEmh-9H_csCidKG9uE0X7xLbkOJiITz-fCARm4kVB8rhjMm5azaWT_c7js3IMWjwn2Bl8XzVAkRITB8KWp_7pBhNVNRMFElyrGuHbx0JPLUeGI2diFRJToiGHrCM-GHfcuyG6ltvcvJ8DM7eirOBJiWHXE4NkpR34B4TDMcbddwjVXwmoCfltLQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="613" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiGSpBeEmh-9H_csCidKG9uE0X7xLbkOJiITz-fCARm4kVB8rhjMm5azaWT_c7js3IMWjwn2Bl8XzVAkRITB8KWp_7pBhNVNRMFElyrGuHbx0JPLUeGI2diFRJToiGHrCM-GHfcuyG6ltvcvJ8DM7eirOBJiWHXE4NkpR34B4TDMcbddwjVXwmoCfltLQ" width="115" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEguR4HXBVtHxPL7HS3SuD62dg_NWM2MUSTqo20jRqhQ-eMuQ725bpgNGxKE9-l2HdGTSxxPrgIJvUyA0pBvdqE7wmJmyJRfAKMh82Slb5XKUMgwW_zdmLmMsEQqecNQL1NCevTUnkPdQ-drmStdj7SQ66J-BP4MGeGrcilIzoO387AvDBhQi7l7SFhMow" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="613" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEguR4HXBVtHxPL7HS3SuD62dg_NWM2MUSTqo20jRqhQ-eMuQ725bpgNGxKE9-l2HdGTSxxPrgIJvUyA0pBvdqE7wmJmyJRfAKMh82Slb5XKUMgwW_zdmLmMsEQqecNQL1NCevTUnkPdQ-drmStdj7SQ66J-BP4MGeGrcilIzoO387AvDBhQi7l7SFhMow" width="115" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The surgeon that we had talked to only about 6 weeks prior was incredible. I had talked to many different doctors about how troublesome my eyes were, but they were all dismissive. This is why a 10th surgery may seem out of the blue for those close to me. I've had this issue for <b>years</b>, but no one ever thought it was a real issue until we met this doctor who specializes in eye reconstructive surgeries of a few different types. He had expressed knowledge of the same issues/frustrations that I experience when we met with him the first time. He also said that taking any tissue from my eyelids would only make the problem worse. (Couldn't agree more!) So, when I learned of incisions made on my eyelids, I was devastated, thinking for a time that he forgot who I was and the surgery he was supposed to be preforming. However, I came to learn that when they went in to lift the brows, they learned that the levator aponuerosis - the tendon that lifts your eyelids was not attached. So, they decided to make a second incision to be able to attach it. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiRZBtTXfYtahsY32PPQOK2e8uRWJVUSWsMWWwn1xGaImQ7O5OZjjq-bzW3P8Pcb1RFGvdNuEfJSwYMBm7_ecyGpaoi6o3PuhYXCCoXszBiOoXw7ILce-dk8n8OlraMPuRe8qbvbiN2SBVpDfu8EKS8E7X0TjtZwMXjtvRTErwrt39QoeFX7U9vqquOeA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="613" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiRZBtTXfYtahsY32PPQOK2e8uRWJVUSWsMWWwn1xGaImQ7O5OZjjq-bzW3P8Pcb1RFGvdNuEfJSwYMBm7_ecyGpaoi6o3PuhYXCCoXszBiOoXw7ILce-dk8n8OlraMPuRe8qbvbiN2SBVpDfu8EKS8E7X0TjtZwMXjtvRTErwrt39QoeFX7U9vqquOeA" width="115" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_2FcG3PXtNqE-RH0uoriRN004aClATYwX4IVn4lR7IffCe39hHEsUoiQyPCmohnDmAjUFgu9UYYnsiVkxuCXin3NbEtPplZk8fKCcbRJLurydRqO2IndECyq16ec4PomjZbuigOctDwQvHHp7-zZ3mUFU4gD2zRumsxr-VM11ZGC0G_y9j6ujG92-WA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="613" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_2FcG3PXtNqE-RH0uoriRN004aClATYwX4IVn4lR7IffCe39hHEsUoiQyPCmohnDmAjUFgu9UYYnsiVkxuCXin3NbEtPplZk8fKCcbRJLurydRqO2IndECyq16ec4PomjZbuigOctDwQvHHp7-zZ3mUFU4gD2zRumsxr-VM11ZGC0G_y9j6ujG92-WA" width="115" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Overall, I still can't say much about the surgery because I'm still very much healing. It is quite amazing to see my eyes though. And I look so awake!! Like day after surgery, I get up to pee, look in the mirror and I say to myself, "what? I am not that awake!!" Nightmares thank heavens went away, but they were replaced by agonizing pain that prevented me from being able to fall asleep. That was the case from probably 2 days after the surgery to about 6 or 7 days. I still struggle with all of the normal stuff, but at least I'm not having nightmares or post-traumatic triggers on an hourly basis. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(p.s. I know this post is not written as well as most of my others, sorry!)<br /><br /></div><br /></div><br /><p></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-13392732829102615522022-03-27T12:25:00.000-06:002022-03-27T12:25:27.418-06:00Depression and Anxiety Are So, So Real<div style="text-align: left;"> Depression was on the rise in people aged 10-24 by <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr69/nvsr-69-11-508.pdf">56%</a> from 2007 to 2018. Since the pandemic, "research" says that depression has risen 3 times to 1 in every 3 adults, albeit no one is telling the truth when it comes to coronavirus. Underestimating, there are <a href="http://prp.jasonfoundation.com/facts/youth-suicide-statistics/">3,703</a> suicide attempts A DAY in high school students alone. This means that there is a serious problem that goes extremely unnoticed and is highly misunderstood. </div><p>First things first, anxiety is often paired with depression. It is absolutely normal to feel anxious or sad from time to time, but chronic, systemic depression and anxiety is something that should be addressed ASAP. <i>Especially </i>because this kind of depression and/or anxiety has a physical effect on the brain. Despite my desire to go into the details, I won't, that will be in my upcoming podcast if you are interested. </p><p>There are multiple causes for depression and anxiety; these could be situational (i.e. being isolated, house-bound, locked out of school and favorite activities for the last 2.5 years, or a brain injury and all the PTSD or <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2015/02/post-traumatic-relationship-disorder.html">PTRD</a> associated), they could be purely chemical (anxiety is often triggered by<a href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9536-anxiety-disorders"> thyroid</a> conditions, and depression is commonly caused by imbalance of <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2022/03/neurotransmitters.html">serotonin, dopamine, and/or norepinephrine,</a> and it's another thing I have experienced, especially in the last few weeks), genetics or heredity, and are things that affect the self-esteem, such as: peer problems, obesity, long-term bullying, academic problems, the pandemic, etc. These feelings are frequently irrational, and often cannot be dealt with logic.</p><p>So, what can we do? If you know someone who is struggling with these things you can do, or if you are struggling, you can reach out to a friend and ask for <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-to-help-someone-with-depression.html">these things</a>. (That link is actually really important to go to). It is important to see a professional as well. I encourage both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. A psychiatrist will help with medications and a psychologist will help you talk through things, sort things out, and come to realizations and breakthroughs. If you are opposed to prescription medications, see a wholistic doctor, and more importantly, research supplements and what you may need. It is quite frustrating how long these chemicals take to rebalance themselves, and some of the brain damage may not recover until after the depression/anxiety goes away. As for the self-esteem, this one can be trickier at times. Seek people who love you to reassure you that you are worth it, that your flaws do NOT outweigh your wonderful qualities. One of those people is the Savior, and the Almighty Father, God. Please pray to Them frequently, asking with a sincere request to help you see yourself as they see you. If you know a priesthood holder of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, ask for a priesthood blessing to be able to do so. They love you so much, they know of your infinite and eternal worth and the things you <i>do </i>are in no way associated with that worth. I testify of that truth, even when I don't feel it, I know it is there. </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-58665366299597766842022-03-20T11:24:00.002-06:002022-03-20T11:24:36.978-06:00Forgiveness<p> Sometimes one of the hardest things is forgiveness. Often times we think that the person that hurt us will suffer as long as we hold on to the pain that they inflicted upon us. I testify that it absolutely does not hurt them, it only hurts you. It is at times the absolute hardest thing to let that pain go; especially when it has caused you trauma for the rest of your life. There are people who you may have to forgive every single day, just as the Amish people did when a man killed all of their children in Amish Grace. Forgiveness is not always easy, and this is when you have to pray and ask the Lord for help to forgive. One of the best ways I have found to do this is to ask Heavenly Father to increase your love for them, your understanding of their situation, and open your heart to a more eternal perspective, to have the faith that He will take care of it in the end. </p><p>Forgiveness is NOT condoning their actions. Forgiveness is NOT dismissing the pain that you feel, or invalidating the heartache they may have caused. Forgiveness is the most wonderful gift, that frees us and liberates our soul when we have been wounded by someone else's actions. Forgiveness IS rather giving the pain to the Savior, who has already felt our pain, who knows the perfect justice required. Forgiveness is not for the other person, in fact, it actually has absolutely zero effect on them, but 100% percent effect on you. Forgiveness allows you to move forward, not necessarily move on, but move forward. </p><p>You may chose to continue to grow the relationship and let it flourish, or you may chose to distance yourself. It may not be a choice that you get to make. It is one of the hardest things for me to not have a say in that one. Complete forgiveness has taken a long time for me to learn, and with some situations, it still takes a long time. </p><p>Forgiveness is about looking towards the future and trusting that God has something greater in the future than in your past. That one is really difficult for me, as I wish that all of my old friends to know that I have fully forgiven them and I hope that they can fully forgive me and that we can resume our relationship. I have so many scars when it comes to relationships that it is really hard for me to make friends now so I don't know how God can create something better in that arena. I have to have faith, even when faith is so challenging. </p><p>I have such a strong testimony in the power of forgiveness. I would be in constant agony if I was unable to call upon the Lord and ask Him to help me have greater capacity to see His children as He does, and forgive their actions. I am so grateful for His love, His forgiveness and the strength He provides someone like me. I encourage you all to seek forgiveness for those who have hurt you. Try to move forward, even when the pain continues to come, as it will. Love the Lord, and through Him, love His children,</p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-84416922445959875682022-03-17T09:43:00.000-06:002022-03-17T09:43:03.659-06:00Neurotransmitters<p> The brain and neurotransmitters are things I get so excited about and love talking endlessly. I will do my best not to do that and to explain in simpler terms what I am trying to get across. Please ask questions though, I absolutely LOVE answering questions. Additionally, the lack of comments on my posts for a long time is discouraging. I am working on creating a podcast that I will have done by the end of this year. In this podcast I will be explaining things in greater detail. I have learned so much from my experiences, the things that affect me, and my love to learn. To the point...</p><p>Neurotransmitters are essentially chemicals that transfer from one neuron (brain cell) to another. We need them to function, survive, and thrive! There are 6 main neurotransmitters: acetylcholine, dopamine, GABA, glutamate, norepinephrine, and serotonin. In order to function like a normal human being, they need to be properly balanced, regulated in the most beautiful way. When they are in sync, you can feel alive, and thrilled to be on the Earth, with a body! Unfortunately for me, and most people in the world, our neurotransmitters are way out of wack. Additionally, there can be plenty of problems if any part of the connection between the two neurons is damaged. In my accident, a LOT of those connections were damaged. Finally, there are 3 things needed to keep neurotransmitters alive and active: oxygen, nutrients and stimulation. </p><p>Acetylcholine is the most underappreciated neurotransmitter. Yet it is responsible for so much. Acetylcholine is extremely present in memory and cognition. Acetylcholine aids in creativity, comprehension, recognition, spatial awareness, learning, logic, reason, calculation, and overall mental responsiveness. Most brain injured survivors suffer a great loss of acetylcholine, especially at first. </p><p>Dopamine is the "reward" neurotransmitter. Dopamine increases your awareness and concern for others. Dopamine gives you satisfaction for a job completed. Dopamine stimulates motivation and initiation. A lack of dopamine causes an easily set off temper, a desire to isolate, and feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. I think you all know I have experienced a great loss of dopamine as well. </p><p>GABA is the only inhibitory neurotransmitter. Aka, it's the only neurotransmitter that calms the nervous system and can help us in moments of high stress or pressure. GABA is tightly associated with glutamate, which is the main excitatory neurotransmitter. A lack of GABA leads to a lot of irrational anxiety and panic, feelings of dread, being overwhelmed for no reason, a restless mind, disorganized attention and the inability to turn off your mind when trying to relax. Does this not explain me or what? If you feel any of these things, DO NOT BUY the supplement GABA. GABA is too big to cross the blood brain barrier (something that protects the brain from harmful chemicals). There are agonists (things that support production) that are helpful, but GABA in and of itself is worthless. </p><p>Glutamate, like I mentioned above, is the main excitatory neurotransmitter. Glutamate assists acetylcholine in creating memory and learning pathways. Glutamate also plays a key role in development in the young brain. Finally, as luck would have it, glutamate plays a key role in the repair work of the brain. </p><p>Norepinephrine is most commonly paired with epinephrine. These are the adrenaline neurotransmitters that rush into action when you're in trouble. Norepinephrine is found most abundantly in mammals. Norepinephrine works within your blood vessels and has a great deal to do with the rate and force of the contraction of your heart. It also aids in skeletal muscles. Finally, the most frustrating part of norepinephrine is that it works when you are in the "fight or flight" mode. Unfortunately for people with PTSD, that is almost always. </p><p>Serotonin is the "feel good" neurotransmitter. Serotonin helps to maintain a homeostasis of emotions, regulating mood and aggression, appetite, respiration and the <b>perception of pain</b>. Serotonin allows you to feel joy in the little things (and the big things), such as favorite foods, hobbies/interests, favorite activities, favorite foods, friendships and other relationships. What's more is serotonin plays a big role in the production of melatonin and overall sleep. I rarely get good sleep. :)</p><p>To conclude, neurotransmitters are a vital part of life. When the production or reception of these neurotransmitters get disrupted, it can cause a great deal of anguish. If you feel like there is absence of any of these, talk to a doctor or try out some supplements. (But be sure to get supplements that will work, not GABA, try talking to me...) </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-23828590978605860652022-03-13T10:27:00.001-06:002022-03-13T10:27:13.221-06:00Antifragility<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Probably
the most significant matter I’ve learned over the last 11+ years has taken me
at least 10 years to even begin to comprehend. I thought I knew before (the
accident) that God is in every detail of our lives, I thought I knew that He
makes us into the people that we are truly meant to become; but now I know that
I had only touched the surface.<br /> </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Something
I’ve been able to articulate over the past week in Come Follow Me study and
experienced for almost half of my life is that God does not let our suffering go
to waste. He does not necessarily cause certain things to happen, but He knows
that they will, and He puts the perfect people in the right place at the right
time so that they have the opportunity to reach their potential.<br /> </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Good
things don’t always happen to good people. Sometimes really crappy things
happen to good people and amazing things happen to bad people. It is often doubted,
“how could an ever-loving God treat His people this way?” Let me answer that
question in a seemingly controversial manner, “because God loves us.” We are
meant to be antifragile.<br /> </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">What
does antifragile mean? Antifragility is something that gets stronger when
broken, damaged, or afflicted. Like muscles, they grow stronger as we tear
their fibers apart exercising them. However, (as I intimately learned from
being in a coma for 2 weeks) if we don’t use them, they grow so weak as to
become essentially useless. People who seem to have everything may appear happy
on the surface, but when looked at privately, they are never satisfied nor
happy. Nevertheless, those in extremely impoverished nations are some of the happiest
people in the world. While it doesn’t seem to make sense, we are created to be
antifragile.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Trust me, if anyone knows the challenges of God appearing
to not hear your pleas, it’s me. In “ancient” texts, you can also read about
people who put their complete and total faith in the Lord and made it through,
even if not in this life, such as Joseph Smith, Joseph of Egypt, Job, Christ
himself, etc. They were all amazing people who struggled with enormous trials,
because it made them antifragile in the best possible way. It has turned my <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2020/08/shannon-as-temple.html">tabernacle
into a temple</a>, it changed my mindset into “<a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2022/03/why-exactly-me.html">Why
EXACTLY Me,</a>” I have <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2020/05/what-decade.html">learned the
things that matter the most</a>, particularly the <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2021/10/the-prince-of-peace.html">Prince
of Peace.</a></span></div>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-78220191172206134122022-03-09T11:36:00.018-07:002022-03-13T10:09:01.185-06:00Are You Freaking Serious?<p></p><p><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have had to remove myself from
this situation a number of times so that I could write this post without so
much anger. But, as you can tell from the title, what I am going to write
creates a lot of irritation within my bones. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">People, who often have good intentions,
make some of the most insulting comments to me and others who invisibly struggle.
“Stop blaming everything on the TBI.” “If you actually put some effort into
wanting to get better, you’d be leaps and bounds ahead of where you are now.” “You
really milk the TBI for all that you possibly can.” “You’re just being lazy.” “You
can’t keep blaming all of your mistakes or poor judgements on the TBI.” “If you
refocused your dreams and desires, then you’d be fine.” “Why can’t you just be
happy? I do everything I can to help you!” etc. etc. etc.<br /></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">The most frustrating thing is
that I hear these phrases so, so, so very often. Even worse is that they come
from people who spend a lot of time with me. Sometimes it comes from a
forgetfulness of the challenges I struggle with because they are so “invisible.”
Other times it is because of sheer ignorance, or people who simply will not
accept that anything is difficult for me. It is especially difficult because I
struggle with those exact feelings CONSTANTLY. My brain is in constant battle –
one part telling myself that I should be able to do more than I am doing and the
other expressing complete and total exhaustion. So please don’t add fuel to the
fire. On a personal note, inside of myself, I have so much passion, such a
burning fire and drive to do so much more than what is humanly possible – even for
someone without a TBI.<br /></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"> To bring this home across people other than those struggling with a TBI, you NEVER know what someone else is struggling with. It is easy to see the struggles of those confined to a wheelchair, or someone that you know just lost a loved one. But you probably don't know the conflicts going on inside of their head every day. You don't know the fatigue - physical or cognitive - that they may be facing. Please, see others with kindness and understand that you don't know what their struggle is. </span></div>
<p></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-1809761284988392872022-03-07T13:02:00.000-07:002022-03-07T13:02:24.268-07:00For the ONE<p></p><p style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">The most
common response I receive when I ask someone if they have read my latest blog
post is "Oh, are you still keeping that up?" The answer is yes;
albeit not for the initial intended purposes. That kind of response can be
painful, especially in a trauma-self-absorbed mindset. But as I was
writing/pondering recently, I came to discover the real reason I continue to
post. I am one who's body, autonomy, voice, choice, etc. are misunderstood, get
overlooked, or are bypassed far too often. Because of all that I have been
through, people often discount my take on the world. There are many individuals
who are never able to find their truth, who never can voice their opinion,
and/or they feel all alone. Because I have been given the gifts to be extremely
self-aware, to be able to articulate my feelings, to be able to have compassion
and relate to so many others, I want to do everything I can to ensure others
are emotionally, psychologically, socially, spiritually, and intellectually
fortified against whatever life may have in store for them. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p>
</p><p style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So, I share my personal insights because I
feel they could relate to other people. I share the wisdom I have gained from
experience so that hopefully you won't have to (experience). I get vulnerable
because I believe that is the only way we can truly be honest. I share my
private thoughts because I know that I’m not the only one who struggles with them.
I express how the Lord is always in my life to share that if He can be in mine,
He sure as heck is in yours. While I know that I don’t often do a good job of
relating my experiences to yours, I hope you can feel that I do relate. And
while I would like to help as many people as possible, it is more important to greatly
benefit the ONE. As Dr. Suess has said, </span><span style="color: #202124; font-family: Roboto;">"To the world you may be one person; but
to one person you may be the world.”</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-27466634679273621492022-03-04T19:22:00.000-07:002022-03-04T19:22:01.089-07:00Why EXACTLY me <p> I idolize the person I was before the accident. So it's quite jarring when I come across an old old journal entry that says something like, "I think I'll always struggle with abandonment issues from [this one things that happened my sophomore year of high school.]" What? Could I have really had abandonment issues before the accident? As I take a hard look back at my past, I realize, 'yes, not anything like I deal with now but, yeah.'<br /></p><p><span><span> But even during all of those hard, terrible times, pre-accident, I always thought, "why NOT me?" rather than "why me?" I was grateful these things happened to me instead of someone who would lose their faith, wouldn't stay strong, would simply give into temptation, etc. That was my mindset with every trial or struggle I had, and there actually were plenty of them, albeit I look past it most of the time. That is, until the accident. When my accident happened, it was too much, I couldn't stay strong. I was so angry with God for awhile. Absolutely NOTHING felt good, peaceful, or even just kind of okay. </span><br /></span></p><p><span> Needless to say, when your brain changes so does EVERYTHING<i> around </i>you. Despite what I thought initially, <i>internally</i> things changed as well. </span>This includes both strengths and weaknesses. But as of late, I've begun to start the thinking process that maybe, just maybe, it was EXACTLY because of said weaknesses and strengths - whether they flipped or enhanced- that God needed ME, specifically ME to serve His children in this way. Let me explain. </p><p><span><span><span><span> Some of the strengths I had before the accident that are benefitting me now, even if they took a while to come back are: my incredible faith, my enormous amount of love for all people, my love for Jesus Christ, his gospel, and especially the wonderful music that His saints create, my desire to reach out to children, my sympathy/empathy, my inclusive nature, my desire to always be a missionary (although I still struggle with the proselyting part of that one), etc.</span><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span> Some of the strengths that have turned very, very weak and are now incredibly painful however are things like: my zest for life and always looking forward to the next step in life, while still loving every second of the present, I was such an extrovert, with the most amazing social skills, I could learn everything so quickly and my beautiful brain would retain the information, not only academically or socially but also (many things) physically, spiritually, musically, etc.</span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span> It seemed like all of the weaknesses I can remember have only gotten worse. Things such as: insomnia, inability to pick favorites, concept of eternity, (as previously mentioned) abandonment, anxiety, perfectionism, needing at least one person to absolutely ADORE me, my need to ALWAYS be needing to be doing something- I have copies of schedules I'd make with plans to the minute. </span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><span> All of that can be quite discouraging, especially when looked at from only a finite, mortal view. But if you go back up to the strengths that have increased, each and every one of them, in one way or another, leads you towards an eternal mindset. God NEEDED someone like ME, with THOSE strengths to give this kind of nasty trial to. As for my weaknesses- the ones that have only been enhanced- well, on the one hand I say, 'thank goodness I at least had some sort of grasp on what to do with these things before the accident'. On the other hand, I think, "wow, these things make those strengths all the more necessary!" I've learned how to have faith and put complete trust in the Lord with the things I cannot control. My empathy is out of this freaking world because I have been through so much. Even the strengths that have become weaknesses, I must exercise faith in things I cannot understand. </span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><span><span> All of this to say that my mindset went from "why not me?" to "why me?" and is starting to go to, "this is why it is EXACTLY me." So, if like me you struggle with the fact that your life is legitimately HARD, do your best to wait patiently, trust the Lord, and try to discover why YOU were chosen for this hardship. Let God Prevail!!!</span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-26927408837737993152022-03-01T10:58:00.000-07:002022-03-01T10:58:49.772-07:00Brain Injury Awareness 2022<p>This year I'm going to do Brain Injury Awareness month a little bit differently. While I encourage you to read up on what a <a href="https://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/search?q=what+is+a+traumatic+brain+injury">traumatic brain injury is</a> from earlier posts, and also to visit all of March last year for more information, this year I'm going to talk about things I have learned from having this injury. Things I have learned about the debilitating disability itself, as well as the miracles that have come out of it; the wonderful lessons I have learned about who I am, and the great sacrifice we all made to come to the Earth, especially at this time. </p><p>It is still something very hard for me to say that I am grateful for the injury. I think to the past often with great sadness, longing, and desire for a do-over. I weep at the friendships, skills and knowledge I have lost. I continue to grieve the literal loss of myself. I have so many pains and struggles that have become so normal to me that it amazes me that other people don't have to deal with all the crap I do. Yet I still feel terrible, insignificant, and worthless that I can't seem to achieve temporal achievements like I once could, and everyone else can. I struggle to know whether or not I should be ambiguous and vague when a first date asks me where I work or if I should straight up tell them about the TBI. My heart aches over the loss of all that I have lost, or missed out on, but most especially relationships. I have so much love in my heart for each and every person I ever meet. </p><p>However, all of that is not to say that I have not found strength when I've needed it most. That is not to say that I have not found peace and comfort in the amazing gift of the Holy Ghost. That is not to say that I have not been blessed with the most amazing family, gift of my knowledge of the true gospel, my love for learning, the love I have for service, my intellect, and yes, even my great love. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing opportunities, like going to the Philippines, meeting the most adorable children, being able to serve, having some amazing therapists, and once again, having a family beyond words. This road has not been easy. There are so many things that are bittersweet, but mostly bitter, at least right now. But I'm excited to share some of the things I've learned. </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-17225814131694425802022-02-09T02:18:00.002-07:002022-02-09T02:18:39.548-07:00HOLY COW, Thank You!!<p>There are so many things I have a great desire to write, to post, to update, to inform and to express to those of you who read my blog. However, a terribly busy, traumatized brain makes things like that really, freaking difficult. I felt I absolutely needed to post my current feelings as I'm reading through posts when I was in the hospital right after my accident. </p><p>I have been bruised, hurt, abused, abandoned, betrayed in ways that absolutely no one can understand. A short while back, all of the pain resurfaced and I had to experience that kind of anguish, hopelessness and loneliness again. I can testify that without the healing balm of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, there is absolutely, without a doubt, NO WAY I could've survived it - especially for as long as it lasted. I do not mean to say that my life is easy, by ANY stretch of the imagination. But rather that the pain I endured for the first few years was one that my mortal body was not capable of surviving. Please don't mistake what I am saying however. It is still EXTREMELY, UNBEARABLY difficult at times, but I've learned to cope with the pain and struggles I face now. I see things on a much more eternal perspective, and things are not AS PAINFUL ALL of the time. </p><p>So, recently, as I have gone back and read through some of those first blog posts; the posts in which I still had the love from all of my peers and associates, I've been floored. I have not ever been able to feel this way before, which is why I think it's important to make note of this. I am ever so grateful to all of the friends and family who were here for me and my family when I was not able to be. I am still (of course) in complete agony regarding all the people I lost. But today, I am able to say THANK YOU. Thank you for being there and caring when I really needed it. Thank you for supporting my family when I couldn't and they needed it most. Thank you for supporting me in any and every way you could. Thank you for being a part of my life, a part of who I am. Thank you for showing me that I have a unique, special influence on those around me. I do not feel that now, especially since 99% of the peers who were following the blog at the time have since blocked me. But I am grateful for the impact that you let me have in your life while I was in it. It pains me more than you'll ever know that I'm no longer part of it, but thank you for letting me be with you, for letting me see you in your times of need. My biggest struggles are still that of a social nature, especially because of all of the abandonment. Yet, the Lord has allowed me to see just a segment of forever in ways that I love each of you. </p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-91909286239892128272021-11-25T09:10:00.000-07:002021-11-25T09:10:39.759-07:00When it Appears Nothing is Happening<p> Over the last few months, while it may appear I haven't been doing anything, I have actually been rolling many, many new processes. Each time I begin to have a new insight, I feel like I probably need to update the blog, but then either something else interrupts, or I realize I have only opened the floodgates and there is still a whole lot more computation coming. So this post will be very raw, very real, and very unpolished but I'm posting to express that there is still SO much growth continuing to happen in this little brain of mine. </p><p>A few months ago, (I hope to have a future post that will explain it much better), I was able to finally make the connection as to <i>why </i>I can't "remember" anything shortly after the accident. It's not that I merely cannot remember, it's that even at the time, I was not understanding anything that was happening. For a little over 2 years, I was still unaware that an accident had truly, in all reality, taken my life and chopped me into a million pieces, and spit me back out expecting me to manage the world just fine. It was HORRID. <br /></p><p>All of this vulnerability (not understanding anything going on) and my great, loving heart has not been so kind to me. Even before the accident, I would see the best in people and disregard everything negative. I was taken advantage of in far less detrimental ways even before the injury. However, when I could not understand anything, after I felt hurt and betrayal and I still refuse to allow anyone to feel that way on my behalf, I've been taken advantage of BAD. Not only during that time, but continually. I still love others and the last thing I want is for them to experience the kind of pain that I have. And I also have a lot of PTSD triggers now. So I will bend over backwards for people who will absolutely and entirely discard me in a very short time period. I did not even know that I did this until about 3 weeks ago!!! I knew that people were terrible to me when all I did was love them, but I didn't know that this was a consistent problem I've had for <i>years. </i>I finally stood up to someone who was abusive. I continually had to remind myself that I was showing myself that I was proving that I loved ME. </p><p>Recently, I've also been more owning of my emotions, relationships, and actions. Instead of using verbiage like "you betrayed me," or "you didn't explain that," I've changed my tone to "I felt betrayed when this happened," and "I didn't understand what you meant." Not only is it helpful in relationships, but it has given me a sense of power, self worth. </p><p>Similar to what I posted recently, yet expounding upon it, I have come to appreciate where people originate. I have no idea where I would ever possibly be had I come from any different circumstances. Neither do you. Just because I have had one set of standards and truth my entire life, does not mean that you have. Just because you graduated high school experience you don't talk to most of those friends anymore does not mean that we can relate in that way at all. Each person is tried according to where they started in life. It's not simply about "how much they can handle" like I've always been taught, but also about where they started. </p><p>Another thing I have wrapped my head around recently is that I am a very deep thinker. I think more eternal, more elemental, root causal, spiritual, etc. than most. I don't want to know simply the 'what,' but also the 'why' and the 'how.' This creates a lot of further investigation and research work when I think of a simple question. It also has caused me to ask a lot of questions, even as a very young child. What I didn't know is that people were questioning my understanding and knowledge of things (like the gospel) because of these deep questions. They could not see that I was not doubting the truth, but trying to understand, for example; God's motive, or why a limit (in calculus) can use the same formula as the one for finding the derivative. This creates a lot of cognitive work/effort therefore causing an excess of cognitive fatigue - especially when I have a brain injury! Brain injuries are significantly known for their impact on cognitive fatigue, given the increase of senses, decrease of filters, decrease in energy, increase of effort it takes to do otherwise simple things, etc. This is something that I very, very much struggle with however because even though I may know that I'm thinking deeper, and that it takes a critical toll on my energy and <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2018/03/resources.html">resources,</a> I have also always been extremely driven. I always want to be doing 100 different things and excelling at all of them. </p><p>This is one of the things that has been so extremely hard. I've been trying to trudge through it for the last (nearly) 12 years. How am I supposed to accept me not doing 100%??? How am I supposed to accept the down days that I have to take when I'm extremely overwhelmed and all hell has broken loose? How am I supposed to accept that this Shannon is not the Shannon I had always prepared myself to be? This is grief that I don't think I'll <b>EVER </b>get through. Yes, some days I'm nicer to myself, but most of the time, I still have to face the reality that I am not who I think I am. I am not who I think I should be, who I could be, who I would be if... if... if... So yes, this is why I cannot stop talking about my accident, why I cannot stop reliving my past; because every single second of every single day I have to deal with the heartache of all that I had, all that I would have, all that I no longer have the ability of attaining. </p><p>Everyone in my past got to say goodbye to the Shannon they once knew. Everyone except for me. It's a terrible, terrible thing and something that you simply cannot understand unless you go through it. I've tried to explain it multiple times and each time it has fallen on deaf ears. I finally, for the first time in 12 years, wrote a letter to little Shannon. It was the hardest thing to do. I literally feel like pieces of me is being ripped out from me as I write it, as I read it, and every time I think about it again. Trying to say goodbye to yourself is the hardest thing to do. Like I mentioned earlier, it's something that others just cannot understand unless they have been through something so traumatic that they need to say goodbye to their younger self. For this reason, I won't say more about it unless anyone asks. </p><p>Finally, probably because of my deep thinking nature, I learn best, I do the most therapy, I figure things out the most when I am the one doing the talking/thinking/directing. When I process the information (sometimes aloud) the puzzle pieces fit together in my head far better than when someone else does it for me. Especially because the kinds of things that people often say are rudimentary answers that don't address the core of the issue. I NEED to address the core. Yes, this may mean it will take more time. Yes, it may be frustrating. But ask my parents or my counselors, it is much more rewarding when you watch me figure it out for myself, in <i>my own </i>way, in <i>my truth, </i>in <i>my life. </i></p><p><br /></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-28040534395027190542021-10-09T21:48:00.002-06:002021-10-09T22:00:08.620-06:00The Prince of Peace<p> Ever since the accident I've made a habit of receiving priesthood blessings. On Thursday, I received a blessing with some pretty direct instruction; start praying consistently with full power of heart for the pure love of Christ. To be honest, I wasn't sure how capable I was going to be considering the majority of my prayers recently had been "Heavenly Father, just help me." But, it was very clear and very direct, so I took it upon myself and tried it. </p><p><br />On Friday, the most amazing thing happened! I gained an entirely new perspective on life! It was incredibly POWERFUL and SO AMAZING! Every terrible trial that I go through yes, does anguish the Lord, but he allows them to happen because He can see the whole picture. I can't always see the good out of some things even in hindsight, but He knows how it shapes me to be more prepared, more resilient for what's ahead. I am put through the refiners fire in a way I've never understood before. To be pure and clean in His sight, I must be tried in every possible way. I've learned that it's more than just trusting or relying on the Lord (although definitely those two as well) it's a concept I've never understood - let Him direct you in all things; live in the world, but not of the world, You can be informed of what's going on, but do not let your mind dwell on it. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzuVHi0pEv2Qgm4CiU8GIqNcXb7md_YVxh2qtUJkWNi8zQoq1ZdkTC0BbFDW_HZGvqxSV6YTB6AjveAkIMWZSXFKnTUd74JBXAVOflhgB2QyBKR56WBfvjndAmcl-EpvPmXMflPUZl1eB9/s1160/Jesus%2527+will.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1160" data-original-width="1048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzuVHi0pEv2Qgm4CiU8GIqNcXb7md_YVxh2qtUJkWNi8zQoq1ZdkTC0BbFDW_HZGvqxSV6YTB6AjveAkIMWZSXFKnTUd74JBXAVOflhgB2QyBKR56WBfvjndAmcl-EpvPmXMflPUZl1eB9/s320/Jesus%2527+will.jpg" width="289" /></a></div>How the heck can you do that though? How can you bare the most difficult challenges and struggles? Jesus Christ. He is the Answer. He is ALWAYS the answer, He is the <b>ONLY </b>answer. But how can you redirect your anxious mind? A lot of deep, sincere pleadings and focusing on the bigger picture. Try to remember that what you are going through will soon pass and you will come back brighter, with a more sure testimony, and a stronger, mightier warrior for Christ in these last days! How grateful we must be to be able to stand and fight for Him! He is Christ! The Great King Emmanuel, the Lord of ALL the Heaven and Earth. I know this to be true, His love is God's love. With it, mountains can move, minds can be fixed and most importantly, hearts can be healed. When we are fully overcome by His love, the pain ceases. The memories do not, but the pain does. When we allow His love to envelop us, the chaos in the world no longer matters. He is hope. He is light, He is truth, He is the way, He is our advocate with the Father and He is the Prince of Peace. <p></p><p><br /></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-79808037122078583372021-08-03T18:33:00.002-06:002021-08-03T18:33:40.561-06:00So Much Growth!<p>Living with a brain injury is something that simply cannot be explained. The physical aches, emotional pain, mental struggles, post-traumatic recurrences, current-traumatic stress, relearning simple things on a continual basis, etcetera... exhausting is an understatement. The word 'anxiety' cannot even begin to describe it and extreme clinical depression takes over. Yet, somehow, we push forward, we continue to fight, to move and to learn things about the human body that you just cannot learn any other way. *As not all brain injuries are alike, not all brain injury survivors suffer the same consequences and overcome the same challenges. However, you should never look down upon someone with a TBI because they are champions as they are likely doing everything they can just to do what they are doing. (When I say "we" in this post, I understand that it may not relate to every person with a severe brain injury).*</p><p>Along with learning to appreciate things correlated to the human body, we also learn things about ourselves - our spirits, without our carnal bodies. We learn the powerful influence our body has especially as our inhibitions get taken away. It takes a long time for us to learn things again, but when we do, oh how we rejoice!! Despite being in the depths of depression and overwhelmed with anxiety to the point that I can only do 1-2 things a day, I have learned a lot of new things over the past few months so I'm excited to share them with you today. </p><p>The first thing I uncovered is that I am more like my peers than I had thought. Or rather my peers are more like me. Insofar as everyone wants to feel like they have gone through the worst of the worst yet risen above and beyond. While I don't feel like I have risen that much, I do feel like I have gone through the absolute worst! Is that justified? I don't know. But that's not the point. The point is that if everyone wants to feel the same level of "victimhood," we can't function as a society. I never wanted to classify myself as a victim, but I realized that is what I do. And that's what most everyone else does too! While I have learned and tried to focus conversations less on myself and more on the other person, I never made it a goal to let them feel like the "bigger victim." Until I had this realization. After this, I found my conversations work better... at least when I would remember this principle. </p><p>Very shortly after I came to this understanding, I suddenly stopped feeling like I was still 16 100% of the time. I still dream as a 16-year-old, I still want to dress like I did when I was 16, I want the relationships I had and how I had them as a 16-year-old, but I'm beginning to think less like a 16-year-old. I'm able to notice the immaturity of my peers, I am beginning to address relationships the way that they function as a young adult, I am learning that my body won't fit in the same clothes, and I am almost to the point that I can say I am no longer halted by the juvenile mindset of a teenager. </p><p>In that same vein, I have begun to accept some of the challenges I could not bare to accept before. For example, I am finally thinking about actually serving a mission even though it cannot be what I had always planned on it being. After my life was devastated due to the accident, I could not even consider serving a service mission. To me, a service mission was a lesser calling and I have been preparing my whole life for something more. Family History or Genealogy were trigger words for me as well. Because *blech!* I wanted to serve the Lord here and now, and the family history that I had done was terrible. But from little whisperings of the still small voice, and quiet, subtle obedience, I began to find different strains of family history that I absolutely love! I slowly began to consider the possibility of serving a ...service... mission. (There is no more progress on that, just getting things started).</p><p><br /></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-4245173506404817072021-06-04T17:59:00.002-06:002021-06-07T15:25:52.076-06:00Heart Balloons<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">This is my 4th attempt
at this post. I struggle to find words that articulate my feelings. In recent
days I have been rejected over and over and over – which adds additional
anxiety in trying to convey these feelings to other people. I don’t know how my
words will be taken, if they will be taken seriously, or with the intent that I
want them to represent. <o:p></o:p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"> To be
honest with you, my previous drafts have been much more eloquent, and I may
post at least a version of them later. But I have been hurting for far too long
and I cannot “continue to pump more air into my heart balloon.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"> Around the
time of my <a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/trauma-body-when-anniversaries-arent-so-happy-0609164">anniversary</a>, I was hit <b>brutally </b>by some people I thought were
friends. If being ‘spit upon’ then abandoned was not bad enough already, taking
advantage of so many of my vulnerabilities when they <i>know </i>about them is
even worse. At that point I stopped being able to do things that I enjoy – learning,
studying, rollerblading – and I began to analyze why. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"> I thought
of many different analogies and metaphors. The best representation that I came
up with is ahead, so bear with me. As people, we want to be a happy, beautiful,
high-floating heart balloon. What every person knows but not many accept, <b>no
one </b>is always floating high. That’s because in this made-up analogy there
is no knot that you can tie at the bottom of this balloon. This means that
sometimes occasionally, sometimes frequently someone must pump helium air into
your balloon. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEKc8qKEkHOCbsENGlS6VQK_rpykM_aeHfW23GXI46Yq42GWnD-tkfpe-qdIMaCmUpegOuezptKZdSWtmiYl3hfJs4PrnZJxAySdzZZFhtw9mDxdS2OZylpVX7T7aliRGSkNzj67HaCYu/s600/heart+balloons.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEKc8qKEkHOCbsENGlS6VQK_rpykM_aeHfW23GXI46Yq42GWnD-tkfpe-qdIMaCmUpegOuezptKZdSWtmiYl3hfJs4PrnZJxAySdzZZFhtw9mDxdS2OZylpVX7T7aliRGSkNzj67HaCYu/w200-h200/heart+balloons.jpg" width="200" /></a></div> I have a
hole in my balloon. I am definitely an extrovert insofar as I get energy,
happiness, motivation, etc. from being around other people – more specifically,
peers. They give me the drive to keep pumping air into the balloon. However, when they leave (further inducing my abandonment issues) they stretch my hole even larger. Without repair to the hole, deflation is inevitable. <p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Over
the last 11 years, I cannot seem to hold on to </span><b style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">a single </b><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">one of my peers.
I feel like I have been abandoned. Cognitively I know that may not be the case.
However, that is what I </span><b style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><i>feel. </i></b><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I don’t know what it is exactly
that I do. I know that I think that I’m still 16, and that is not okay. I don’t
have a choice in that. I know that I expect a lot of other people because I feel
like I’m still a dependent. I know that I require a lot of patience especially
when the TBI takes control. But I also know that I have one of the largest
hearts of anyone I’ve ever met. My initial statement at an orphanage in the
Philippines was imprinted on my Filipino friend’s heart “I don’t even know you,
but I love you!” I think that I was loved everywhere I went before the accident;
I assume that it was for that kind of reason. I am still that person behind the
TBI. I wish I had more control of the TBI and that others could see past it.</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
</p><p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p>Just as my balloon is deflated, so are many, many others. If
you feel like you’re doing well right now, I bet there are many people in your family
who are not. Or maybe you’re not floating so high. Self-esteem is critical, exterior
support is crucial; so let us all find a way to be <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7TpMejadLo">Angels Among Us</a>, </i>by offering
a “kind word from a stranger [or] a phone call from a friend.”</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-48058391498006121272021-05-16T09:33:00.004-06:002021-05-18T09:52:20.920-06:00Let Me Tell You About 11 Years<p class="MsoNormal"> There are
so many difficult things about living with a traumatic brain injury. I think
that one of the biggest struggles is how lonely it all is. Unless you, yourself,
are living with it, and are aware of what is going on, it is incomprehensible.
I continue to learn more about life with a TBI each and every day and my anniversary
seems to get harder each and every year. This is in large part why I’m posting 4 days late. Today, I would like to attempt to explain a concept even those
closest to me cannot understand. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC0rZdXK-N2OQ-kBac8rgTMYZZ6ozxyUySyufWjf5yaw8DK7KacMfAuCgG3MOAEzMkqlmGDOatNHnH34EIcoOdChmkKSpD0Ihr8rFIXqSgY7sVSHI_Z7GuGLggB53hK3nBKZ3Kqp4SavEA/s1280/May+2021+2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC0rZdXK-N2OQ-kBac8rgTMYZZ6ozxyUySyufWjf5yaw8DK7KacMfAuCgG3MOAEzMkqlmGDOatNHnH34EIcoOdChmkKSpD0Ihr8rFIXqSgY7sVSHI_Z7GuGLggB53hK3nBKZ3Kqp4SavEA/s320/May+2021+2.jpg" /></a></div> To me, it
is simple, yet ever so painful and one of the reasons I struggle moving
forward. Everyone in my life either got to grieve the loss of the fun-loving, optimistic,
selfless, academic, motivated, (etc.) 16-year-old Shannon OR they never knew
her and only know the crappy brain injured individual that I am now. I DID NOT have
the chance to grieve that loss. But to be honest with you, I don’t want to.
Because that means that she is gone and I am left as that crappy brain injured
individual. Sure, a lot of people that meet me since the accident say that they
love me as I am but they have no reference. I DO. I don’t want to be a
second-class person in comparison to ME. I have always preached not to compare
yourself to anyone else. But I never knew that my biggest challenge would be
comparing myself to myself.<br /> <o:p></o:p><p></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"> Additionally,
I don’t feel like I know the 27-year-old Shannon whatsoever. I believe that the
only person I know is 16-year-old Shannon. Then there is the TBI. The two
coexist inside of me 95% of the time. The other 5% is when it is solely the
TBI. In my world, there is only the 16-year-old Shannon who fights the TBI.
There is no 27-year-old Shannon. I cannot grieve the loss of 16-year-old
Shannon because then the only thing that would be left would be the TBI. There
would be nothing else. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9agNUPfVarUm-YrXoSD17MrjNZi2PQFS3F-tWcvwkelo8byKZvcZc6hFDywVPOyk53KBMeehbo9bdMygXOcNsOOO-qN-9flCGiZ8CUwQss6m6a62fbjJtlVrg5NkLLQKkE7lxbPSZvFlO/s1280/May+2021.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9agNUPfVarUm-YrXoSD17MrjNZi2PQFS3F-tWcvwkelo8byKZvcZc6hFDywVPOyk53KBMeehbo9bdMygXOcNsOOO-qN-9flCGiZ8CUwQss6m6a62fbjJtlVrg5NkLLQKkE7lxbPSZvFlO/s320/May+2021.jpg" /></a></div> I struggle every single day and no one sees. I feel lost and completely alone. (I'm about to rant for a minute). No one understands what it is like to live as a 16-year-old for 12 years and counting. The battle between a good person and the TBI doesn't stop for even a second - including while I sleep. People think I'm lazy and just use the TBI as an excuse so they storm out of my life and tell me that I'm the worst. They do not see the continual war going on inside of me. Like everyone else, I want to be loved and accepted. Very few however, have literally died and come back to life and had to pick up all the pieces with all of the memories still intact of who they were; while everyone else had the opportunity to process the without-TBI-Shannon passing, I was unconscious. When everyone else saw what the TBI made of me, I was completely unaware. By the time I came back to consciousness, awareness, and reality, everything around me had changed and I was a completely different person totally confused without any reference of what had conspired. I'm sorry I'm on a bit of a rant, but THIS is MY REALITY. I am left with <b>nothing, </b>for reasons that I do not understand - I still ask "how did this happen to me?" <p></p><p class="MsoNormal"> Yes, I maintain my prior to injury status of 'if it had to happen to anyone, I'm glad it was me' instead of someone who would lose their faith, screw their life completely, etc. But, I still ask, "How did this happen?" I know the technical answer. But I am left empty. No one understands; even those who try, they never really will be able to. What I hope you will take away from this post is this: Give those with a TBI some slack. They are fighting HARD every single second. You cannot see it. They probably don't understand what is happening within them almost as much as you don't. Give us a break!</p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-8332843734340890412021-03-31T21:14:00.003-06:002021-03-31T21:14:22.422-06:00It Isn't Over Yet....<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .25in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">As we wrap up Brain Injury Awareness Month, I want to
emphasize a point I alluded to before: Brain Injuries persist. While it has
been my goal to increase awareness specifically </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">during</span></i><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">March, I want people to remember that brain
injuries do not go away</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">after</span></i><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">this month. </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" />
<span style="background: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">This brings me to my next point. I have found that
when people have a traumatic event in their life, people run at your beck and
call. For example, when I was in the hospital fighting for my life, I had hosts
of people ready to help me by sending good wishes through cards, balloons, gift
cards, posters, etc. They also supported my family by bringing food, meals,
care baskets, etc. and providing help with Tonya and yard work. I am forever
grateful for the love and support I (AND my family) received during that time.
But my TBI didn’t go away when I got home…</span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" />
<span style="background: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">While people are ready to pull out all the stops
during the acute crisis mode, I have found that the support fades in the “life
after”. In some ways though, LIVING with the brain injury can be the hardest
part of the journey. This doesn’t only happen with brain injury, but loss of
any kind—can you imagine living life after losing a member of your close-knit
family? </span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" />
<span style="background: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">I want to advocate for those STILL LIVING with an
injury. It doesn’t go away. Each healing journey will be different, but we
still need love. We still need support. We still need people to reach out and
communicate. We still need compassion. We still need grace. </span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" />
<span style="background: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">Please remember us…even during the other 11 months
of the year. </span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CFhKq3SiDxv9PQ4xzyGWPEwf6lqlHsLIhcZDrSpMTN66XKqde2-BiZW5SnQs84HBZTks_VsUOJomssVfEEtjAY67Flm3YdBrb0ScgPe9hH307jgCRRY1WhOw5O78HEaTAWBYhyphenhyphenuqbdsZ/s204/war.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="204" data-original-width="194" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CFhKq3SiDxv9PQ4xzyGWPEwf6lqlHsLIhcZDrSpMTN66XKqde2-BiZW5SnQs84HBZTks_VsUOJomssVfEEtjAY67Flm3YdBrb0ScgPe9hH307jgCRRY1WhOw5O78HEaTAWBYhyphenhyphenuqbdsZ/w304-h320/war.jpg" width="304" /></a></div><p></p><br /></div>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7076974918161014374.post-14398886766046086082021-03-30T22:47:00.001-06:002021-03-30T22:53:13.162-06:00Different Kinds of TBIs<p> For this post, I am not talking about mild, moderate and/or severe. <a href="http://shannonblackham.blogspot.com/2021/03/mild-moderate-and-severe.html">That post </a>was already done. Nor am I talking about ways in which you could<a href="https://www.biausa.org/brain-injury/about-brain-injury/basics/overview"> obtain</a> an injury; I'm talking about the different <i>kinds </i>of traumatic brain injuries. There is SO much to try to explain, and so much background to understand! But let me try to break it down into smaller pieces. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_D2N0SXsZSNCAvSrYKBR18aNDbqk9H-1CzGoeUTne6a_6rkgVR9sf2vyJRvlJ9uV4nm6O2FuIz5LLwUDA3a_2Hre7XJlit6TpY9XT5Ba4h9eKVthtEKsdMNy3hodDCdPcCLbPNn2vCEqb/s234/Phineas+Gage.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="165" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_D2N0SXsZSNCAvSrYKBR18aNDbqk9H-1CzGoeUTne6a_6rkgVR9sf2vyJRvlJ9uV4nm6O2FuIz5LLwUDA3a_2Hre7XJlit6TpY9XT5Ba4h9eKVthtEKsdMNy3hodDCdPcCLbPNn2vCEqb/w134-h190/Phineas+Gage.jpg" width="134" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;">First there are closed brain injuries and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penetrating_head_injury" target="_blank">penetrating</a> head injuries. Penetrating head injuries are where something breaks through the skull, through the dura and all other meninges (brain protectors) to penetrate and physically damage the actual brain. This rare type of injury only occurs 1-2% of the time. However, this type of injury has been made famous by a man named <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Phineas-Gage" target="_blank">Phineas Gage.</a> He was working on a railroad when an iron rod shot straight up from beneath his left jaw out the top of his skull. It surprisingly did not kill him but left him with strange new behaviors. "<span class="nowrap" face="sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage" target="_blank">Phineas</a>' survival and rehabilitation demonstrated</span><span face="sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 14px;"> a theory of recovery which has influenced the treatment of frontal lobe damage today." <br /></span></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Each of the primary injuries have many subcategories, if
you will. For the sake of you readers, I’ll keep all of the complications out.
The first is skull fractures. The next is contusions - or bruises on the brain.
<span style="background: white; color: #202122;">A similar but more vigorous
category is called coup-countrecoup. This is essentially dramatic whiplash -
where the impact throws your brain into one side of the skull and back to the
opposite. Then we have </span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqksyCikRJ8t4iWwh0zf5W6fnx358faMGpkSKqU71LUbrXdl3REHDX3xFRfQ9MZgd39V-lCLNwJZ-KIKolEgvFbK46LOfFOjvtd-LRTptR5ey2hZisIa7bGdcIscYkkIefvYe_-kn3fvTb/s512/coup+contrecoup.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="288" data-original-width="512" height="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqksyCikRJ8t4iWwh0zf5W6fnx358faMGpkSKqU71LUbrXdl3REHDX3xFRfQ9MZgd39V-lCLNwJZ-KIKolEgvFbK46LOfFOjvtd-LRTptR5ey2hZisIa7bGdcIscYkkIefvYe_-kn3fvTb/w141-h80/coup+contrecoup.jpg" width="141" /></a></div>hematomas and hemorrhages. A hematoma is a blood clot
whereas hemorrhages are uncontrolled bleeding. Both cause problems for a few
different reasons. As my neurosurgeon put it, “the skull holds 3 things: the
brain, blood and cerebrospinal fluid, and if any one of those decides to take
up more room it creates pressure which can surround the brainstem and kill you.”
Additionally when blood outside of its vessels come in contact with neurons
(brain cells) they die. Then we have the most severe and dangerous type of
primary injuries; the diffuse axonal injury. Diffuse axonal injury is a
twisting and tearing of the connections between the brain cells. The damage
results in the inability to function.<br /> <o:p></o:p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyhYzZrtjaBmkA9wXO9sPmsqD6Hcx8oxPpbsUdd17pybxtSm2HjVrpY9LkD-Z6R1MrMfxw93XskM0W_pdG9lipIQZ56WXyy8ZRN-TedFMLpvYKfJSZj24Q1-ygTyCWHlv61MiGpyBKLEd/s1300/diffuse+axonal.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="831" data-original-width="1300" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyhYzZrtjaBmkA9wXO9sPmsqD6Hcx8oxPpbsUdd17pybxtSm2HjVrpY9LkD-Z6R1MrMfxw93XskM0W_pdG9lipIQZ56WXyy8ZRN-TedFMLpvYKfJSZj24Q1-ygTyCWHlv61MiGpyBKLEd/w200-h128/diffuse+axonal.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.75pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #202122; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Finally, I’ll give you
a quick list of secondary injuries. (Especially because it’s late and I’ve been
working on this post for hours). </span><span style="color: #3c3b3b; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hydrocephalus (increased cerebrospinal fluid in ventricles); I</span><span style="color: #6e6259; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">schemia (insufficient blood flow); hypoxia
(insufficient oxygen in the brain); hypo/hypertension (low/high blood
pressure); cerebral edema (swelling of the brain); raised intracranial pressure
(increased pressure within the skull), which can lead to herniation (parts of
the brain are displaced); hypercapnia (excessive carbon dioxide levels in the
blood); meningitis (infection of the meningeal layers) and brain abscess; biochemical
changes (changes in levels of neurotransmitters, sodium, potassium, etc.); epilepsy.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjjT27M2mHEYFmSeyXqGc8rEeI3f-pVolIxiJzQV_4nppFOelK2NJGwin0pw15Cwcs09kWn-sExFXf4E44zUmqODFS-iSSpIxP-pfHW_-x4VEEEhbbAeq7kM3UsOPx3pipAghQkVdzSUp8/s1300/skull+fracture.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span face="sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;"> </span></a></div><p></p>Shannon Blackhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09824652468459009039noreply@blogger.com0