Another Boring Update

Where do we start? I have been on an emotional roller-coaster ever since the accident. Sometimes that roller-coaster is really, really low; sometimes I cannot focus on anything except the past. This is part of the TBI. This is part of the extreme trauma that I went through nearly 4 years ago. Fortunately, we have made some headway with MORE new doctors we have put on board recently. I am also going to return to school for the first block of summer semester. With that I am moving into an apartment of my own. Hopefully this is in preparation for a much larger move in the fall. I don't know what else to say. This is probably why I haven't posted in so long. I have started a "one-on-one 'tutoring'" service on youtube; when I am emailed a question (right now only by my nieces) I figure it out for them on video. This is a link to my channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClzUohViVFqgivMwsxFyubQ I have started a lot of other things again, but don't manage to be very successful at completing them. So, that's about all that I have for today I think. Please, if anyone reads anymore, ask questions, what you would expect to find on a 4-year-post-TBI blog. That's what the comments section is for!! :)

Not The Only One

I am not the only one who has ever been cornered
When suddenly God splits the sea
I am not the only one who has needed a Savior
And prayed for the one who could save me
I’m not the only one

I have never had water from the center of a stone
I have never tamed lions or lived in a whale
And the fiery furnace surrounding me now
Is only my doubts and my fears
But deep in a heart that is hurting, I still have to trust in the Lord
But the words of the ancients tell of a God who is
Stronger than kings, stronger than swords

I am not the only one who has ever been friendless
Or lost in a wilderness place
I am not the only one who’s been rescued by mercy
In exchange for my slivers of perfect faith
I’m not the only one

So many people changed by the truth through the ages of time
So many miracles amazing and new when I hear them for the thousandth time

I am not the only one who will worship my maker
On the day that I fall at His feet
I am not the only one who will cherish the heroes
Who lived all these stories that saved me
I am not the only one
I’m not the only one
I am not the only one who has needed a Savior
And prayed for the one who could save me
I’m not the only one
-Cherie Call :)

Memory of Past, Pain of Today, and Fear of Tomorrow

         In Junior High, I wrote a song that talked about breaking 3 hearts; the guy I liked, a guy who liked me and my own heart. I was distraught because I was hurting people who I loved and they were hurting me. When I wrote that song, I thought I was absolute scum because I had led the guy who liked me on, when I knew that I liked someone else.  In Junior High, I thought that a person couldn’t get much worse.

        Today I know differently. Today I haven’t hurt only three people I love, I’ve hurt virtually everyone. I have hurt every single one of my peers to the point of no return – meaning that they will not ever respond to my desperate cry for help. I have hurt all of my family, mostly by them trying so hard to help me, and I have never made it out of the sorrow that keeps pulling me down.  They see my pain, my heartache, my loss of hope, and they feel helpless.  

        With every past experience, you feel like nothing has ever been quite so bad. You can’t believe how much you are hurting, and you just want to express that it is worse than anything else. Of course, you don’t know what lays ahead, the pain that may await you in the future. The more experiences you have, the more you can put your own life in perspective. I just hope that nothing even worse than this waits for me ahead. As soon as I get out of my hometown, make a fresh new start, clean from everyone I have ever known, hopefully, I’ll be able to be strong enough to start over, to have a decent life once again. 

TBI's under a microscope

Okay, so this is not my speech from November, in fact it's actually quite a bit different. But much of the same content is there. This is the research paper that I turned in for my English class at the end of the semester. When I copied it over to Google Drive a bunch of grammar and editing issues came up, I think that I fixed most of them, although I may not have. I probably will work on getting a finished edition of my speech up and loaded on the blog, however this is what I have for you at the moment. It is 10 pages long (without the works cited) so if you are going to read it, prepare yourself to sit down and read. Thanks for all of your support, and I know that I really need to report in on what the crap I have been doing as of late, I will. But as for right now, Happy Reading! 

To Shannon's Paper

Shannon at a Conference

Well, I've needed to update for a LONG time. And I still really don't want to, but let's see what I can do. About a month ago an article came out titled "Adrian Peterson's Son's Death Shouldn't Be Just Another Brain Injury Statistic." Obviously, the title intrigued me, so I read it. The statistics towards the end of the article astounded me. The statistics are, "Every 40 seconds, another American youth enters an Emergency Department with a new brain injury (over 765,000 ED visits each year); More than 80,000 American youth are hospitalized due to a brain injury each year; More than 11,000 American youth die due to a brain injury each year; Approximately 1,300 American infants suffer a severe or fatal brain injury from child abuse each year (it is estimated about 75-85 percent of all brain injuries are not labeled "severe" or "fatal")." This inspired me to make a change; to become a TBI advocate. Little did I notice however, that the statistics from the article on Adrian Peterson's son only focuses on youth. For example, it's not simply over 765,000 each year in total, it's over 1.7 MILLION new TBIs each year in total. Right around the time that I had started doing all of this research, my English professor told my class of an extra credit opportunity that we could attend. We could go to a Conference, held by the school, write a report on one of the sessions we attended and turn it in to get extra credit. The topic of the Conference was "Writing for Social Change." The due date to speak at the conference was in less than 48 hours, but I decided that I was going to submit a proposal. "The Writing for Social Change Conference focuses on the power of writing to change the world. Participants include UVU students and community members who submit academic research and creative writing on social change - including issues of the environment, poverty, globalization, and immigration."
I got accepted to speak at the conference and so I started gathering more research and preparing a presentation on Traumatic Brain Injuries. I worked super hard on this presentation to get it just perfect. Because of my previous debate experience, at first I really didn't think it was a big deal. But as I continued talking to people, I began to realize that it was a Conference, at a University, which means that it kind of was a big deal. At least that's what I thought until I got there and listened to the other students' speeches. For one reason or another (lack of research, just complaining, etc) in response to everyone before my hour I thought, "Are you freaking kidding me??" 
My hour was much better. The two students that presented before me had much better argumentation. Everyone who has spoken to me said that the first one had only facts, and the second had only stories, but I had a perfect combination of the two. I also had a power-point presentation whereas the other two did not. I worked on this presentation FoReVeR! 
That was on the 15th of November. Since then, my life has gone to family only. 

How to Help Someone with Depression

“If you had appendicitis, [any one] would expect you to …get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders.” (Holland) Some of the things that I will write on this post apply to anyone and everyone, but you must understand that it is amplified if you have depression. Furthermore, you must understand that it doesn’t matter how right what you’re saying may be, the person with depression has an entirely different perception of reality, so what may seem obvious to you, may seem like a fantasy to them. Likewise you may have had depression and something may have worked for you but you must understand that depression affects each individual, individually. Finally, don’t give up on them; one day they will be able to find happiness and you both will be so grateful if you stuck by them (Miller).

Things you should NEVER say to someone with depression:

1.       It’s really not that bad. / It could be worse.
2.        Count your blessings! / Look at all the good in your life.
3.       It’s never helpful to tell them to do something, as counterintuitive as that may seem, it honestly just makes the person with depression really frustrated. Don’t tell them to do something like, go for a walk, exercise, do something productive, pray, read your scriptures, etc.
4.       Things will get better.
5.        Do not EVER make promises if you don’t plan on follow through.
6.       It’s all in your head. While that may be true, it is because of imbalance of biochemicals in the brain, which means telling us this will not change anything.
7.        Stop being crazy/stupid.
8.        Smile or Just be happy!
9.        It’s ultimately your choice, You just have to choose to be happy, etc

“But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively.” (Holland)

10. Finally do NOT EVER pretend like you know their life or their challenges. You can say that you can relate, and explain, but do NOT ever say “I know exactly how you feel.”

Things you should do to help someone with depression:

1.       Tell them the honest truth, especially if it is regarding them. This (honesty) may just be something that only I find very valuable, but believe me that at least if it is concerning how someone comes across to others or a characteristic that makes people run, everyone wants to be informed of these things.
2.        Offer help ANYTIME. But only if you mean it, goes back to don’t make promises if you don’t plan on follow through. Often times people struggling with depression, don’t know what kind of help they need, but they need to know that there are people there if they did need some.
3.        Always be a listening ear. Don’t try to fix their problems when they tell you everything. Just listen. Just be there.
4.        Tell them that you don’t understand. You can tell them that you wish that you did, but it is so meaningful when you hear someone say, “gosh, that’s really rough, I have no idea what that’s like.”
5.        Talk to them like they are a totally normal person. 100% of the time. Even when they are being crazy, treat them like anyone else.
6.        Find something they enjoy and do it with them often. (For example, I love football, if I had a group of friends offer to play football with me on a weekly basis, I would be so down for that, but when someone tells me to exercise at least 3 times a week, I want to tell them to fall in a ditch.)
7.        Tell them that they are okay, good, pretty, etc more times and more times than you think should ever be necessary. If you think you’ve already told them, doesn’t matter; tell them again. Tell them you enjoy them. Continue to tell them constantly. It probably will seem annoying; it may seem repetitive, but it will keep them sane.
8.        Similar to the last, be extremely (to the point that you probably think it’s obnoxiously) present in his/her life. This does not mean that you need to spend every waking second with them. It does not even mean you need to see them every day, or week. No, this means, just call them once in a while to check in, send them a text, a facebook message, something that lets them know that you are thinking about them. Or, for some of the insane cases, (like myself) that lets them know that you are still alive.
9.        If you want them to do something more, compliment them on it when they do it. For example, if you really like how they go out of their way to help others, tell them and they will do it more.

Finally, please, just stay by the person with depression’s side. Stand by them when life hits them hard; because as human beings, we often overestimate everyone else. We think that if we disappear, they’ll have so many others, but take it from firsthand experience. That is not the case! Do whatever you can to prove to them that you will be there for them no matter what. 

Please

Please, help me become a better person.
Please don't abandon me.
Please don't leave without any explanation.
Please, stay with me, help me correct my wrongs, teach me how to do things right, please.

Please show me why I did NOT get 100%, instead of why I DID get 93%.
Please teach me how I can do better.
Please stay by me when life gets tough, not simply when life is perfect.

Please stop trying to push me around.
Please don't cut off support if I do or do not do something.
Please just be my friend.
Please be a listening ear, be a shoulder to cry on, because you know that I'll always be that for you.

Please help me stand when I am weak.
Please let me help you when I'm feeling strong.
Please, teach me what I can work on.
Please help me improve myself.

Please, don't make this a one-way street.
Please give a little if you're going to take a lot.
Please, reach out to me, don't make me have to crawl, to beg for your help.
Please, when I'm doing okay, please, let me help you. Please know that I am okay and the best medicine of all is to help other people.