Given that today is Sunday, I wanted to take special time to talk about the Savior, after my traumatic brain injury. I need to mention that in a (TBI) warrior’s mind, everything is pre- or post- injury. So, before my accident, I remember feeling spiritual moments often. I believe that I felt the Spirit in many ways: through peace, comfort, prayer, angels, scriptures, church, temple, happiness/joy, gratitude, love, occasional tears, etc.
After my accident, I
felt those connections to deity had been severed. Truth be told: that telephone
line was cut and would not ever return. However, the Grace of God is magnificent!
As with all brain connections after a Diffuse Axonal Injury (DAI), it takes a
lot longer for the same result. It took me a whole heck of a long time to
realize that I do still hear Him, albeit quite different than before.
About 3-4 years after
my accident, I finally decided that God had not abandoned me. I tried to find
some way that He would still communicate with me. I prayed...felt nothing. I
searched the scriptures…got nothing. I went to church…gained nothing… except
more anger!
Initially I had only
found His direct words to me through priesthood blessings. So, lo and behold, I
began my journey of asking for lots of blessings. (Which I still do –
very beneficial.) Motivated by recent prophetic counsel, I treacherously searched
for personal revelation. I had to reevaluate what “feeling” the spirit
meant. I had associated feeling the spirit with an actual feeling, as per the
word itself. Now I understand that when it comes to the Spirit of God, ‘feeling’
is a relative word. Feeling can also refer to a greater understanding, or to an
opening of your mind leading to a greater knowledge of truth – what I call ENLIGHTENMENT.
I wasn’t totally aware of how or when this would happen, but I knew that there
were times when it did. I would come to great awareness of something I had
never thought about after taking time to reflect upon it.
I was still a bit disheartened
that I had lost so many ways of spiritual communication. I was feeling really,
really despondent and utterly hopeless. I had received 2 priesthood blessings in
the last 12 hours and was still feeling awful. I was at my parents’ house talking
to my cousin, Andrea. We started reading some of my old Tender Mercies journal entries.
Offering an outside perspective to my written thoughts sparked discussion. We
continued to talk, bounced ideas off one another, and I learned more ways that
I hear Him! One of which is just that, through discussion which leads to uber
synergy. Additionally, I have always loved my music, because I feel uplifted
when it fills my ears. I have a gift of pondering – which leads to this “enlightenment.”
This is how I #HearHim:
discussion, enlightenment, music, pondering. These are NOT ways that I am
used to. It is NOT the way that you “feel” something. LoL. It sometimes takes
other people who are willing to pay attention to Him as well. But, it is in
some ways, possibly more direct. It is potentially more pure. It
is maybe more Holy, more like Him.
