Friday, February 13, 2015

Post Traumatic Relationship Disorder - PTRD

I believe that I can be very intelligent sometimes. I believe that these times occur more often when I do what I am doing now - working through the pain. In my neuropsychology appointment yesterday, I walked through the damage that past relationships have caused me. These relationships have been very traumatic, and I fear will harm all my future relationships. Hence, the title, Post Traumatic Relationship Disorder.
I cannot feel like anyone loves/likes me for me. One could assume that this is because virtually all the relationships I had before the accident vanished. In regards to my peers, perhaps they were used to a constant give, never take from me and when I started to need something they ran. Truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter, I just don't have the capability to feel loved. Because of my relationships before and after the accident, I have a very negative view on relationships in regard to myself. People seem to leave me very quickly, whatever I do or do not do. So I step into each relationship very skeptically.
Not only does the negative aspect infringe on relationships, but I feel like my lack of feeling could possibly demise future relationships. For example, if you are building a friendship with someone and it should be blooming, but the other person just seems to hold you back, then why would you stay friends with them? I've been shattered far too many times to hope a relationship would work. It is not something that I can just tell myself to change. It is as real as PTSD.

1 comment:

  1. You Are VERY intelligent.. And I really liked reading this post because it makes some sense. Just know that if you ever don't feel loved by me... You're wrong. I love you so much Shan! You are seriously my best friend and I wish I lived closer- I am just truly bad at social media and really bad at staying in contact with anyone... Its one of my weaknesses. I do Much better in person- and because of that-- I am really bad lately because I am huddled in bed most of the time. Id like to say I will be better when I feel better.. Lol but a hear babies make Ya more anti social. I think we should have a visit soon as I can get out there or you can get out here. I love you and I miss you. justin and I quote you and remember Tonyaisms and we both just smile and keep saying to each other how much we miss you guys and miss "the Blackhams".. We love you guys and hope to make it out there soon