Thursday, January 29, 2015

Welcome, Year 2015

 I am not in school right now. I do not have a job right now. I am not pursuing a job right now. I am not planning on going back to school. In the world's eye, I am a lazy, piece of crap who is not doing anything with her life. The population says that I need to either be working, or studying something to make me a better worker. Even the government who knows that I have shortcomings due to my TBI wants me to be doing way more school than I'm even capable or working full time. But to my Heavenly Father and me, we are going to work way harder on making me a better, stronger, more resilient person this year than ever before.
 I am pleased to report that I have never worked as hard at recovery over this TBI as I am right now. While I was in the hospital, I jumped as far as physical recovery. When I initially went back to school, I jumped as far as cognitive recovery. But I have never even given myself the chance to emotionally recover. If you are emotionally broken, you can't do anything very effectively; and I don't know about anyone else's injuries, but I know that my injury caused a great deal of emotional heartbreak that will require a great deal of recovery. The hardest part is that everything I do is somehow tied back to the injury and says “you can’t do this anymore,” which is something that I have to deal with every single day. So it’s not just emotional recovery immediately after the injury, it’s baggage that consistently grows. I’ve decided that I need to work my way through this part, as hard as it is, so that I can continue to move forward in life without so many weights holding me down.

This is one of the hardest, most draining – even physically – things to deal with at times. I’ve only been focused on this for a month and I’m already constantly exhausted. But I still have so much work to do. I’m having so many struggles with many aspects in my life and different recognitions. I’ll (hopefully) continue to write more about these things. But, I guess the only thing that I can say at this point, is Bring it On 2015!