Friday, April 14, 2017

Tragic Anniversary

     My anniversary is coming up. Not that soon, but soon enough. For some reason, it seems that this year is going to be a rough one. I don't know why but I've been anticipating this anniversary for a month or so already, and it's still a month away. I cannot explain what happens to me on my anniversary. I can only relate to people who have experienced the loss of a very dear loved one, or a painful divorce, or a severe change in your life or some other tragic event. The day that marks the remembrance of that significant change is brutal. It's like you're dying all over again.
     I've had triggers come from all sorts of different things and places. But it seems like they're everywhere. I get anxiety like crazy. I feel like I'm starting to experience PTSD side-effects. Like legit ones, not just social ones, like I'll be driving down the road with my window down and suddenly get super panicky until I roll the window up.
     But worst of all, and probably completely unrelated to the anniversary, although I'd like to wish otherwise, is my lack of doing anything. I haven't written on my blog for almost a month and longer than a month before that. I haven't been doing any of the things that I know I should do, and why? I don't know. I just don't.
     I am at a loss for words really. I have been a lot lately, which is extremely weird. I'm excited for some of the things that are coming up in my life, but terrified for others. One of which is my anniversary. I can't explain it, I don't know how, but it scares the crap out of me to think that my life was one way 7 years ago, and 6 years and 11 months ago everything, EVERYTHING changed.