Holy heck. It's amazing to me how much of an impact I make on myself. I truly don't do this enough, but I think I may have been born to be an author. When I read old blog posts or old journal entries (specifically Tender Mercy journal entries), not only am I reminded of the spirit I have when I'm not feeling so much like crap, but I also feel invigorated to become a little more like that person. I feel empowered to make a change, something that I so desperately need at a time like this.
But to put things in reference, I should probably explain what I mean by "a time like this." (Even though, I don't really want to; but honestly, I don't really want to do anything.) So, for the last .... I don't even know how long ... multiple weeks.... I have just been super, super depressed. Depressed enough that I will suddenly start bawling - out of nowhere - hysterically. I haven't had real sleep in who knows how long. All things physical seem to magnify because I'm so emotionally broken. I can't make myself do anything, especially the things I know are good for me. I can't relax because the second I try my mind starts going rampant. Heck, I can't even drive anywhere without memories and flashbacks overwhelming me to the point that I have decided that I want to just forget absolutely all unnecessary memories. I don't know why I have been feeling this way. Although I know/remember not feeling this way I don't remember when the last time was that I did not feel this way. There are so many things that I would like to be doing or that I should be doing, but I just can't seem to get myself to do them.
One of those things that I need to be doing is.... fundraising for my humanitarian trip to the Philippines. I was actually thinking of doing something in conjunction with my upcoming birthday. I was thinking about doing something like a water balloon fight (selling water balloons) and selling snow cones. Then I would have a car wash for a few hours, followed by an assortment of dinner dishes to be sold. While over the course of the entire shindig there would be a craft sale, a bake sale, a silent auction and a donation table. My roommate thinks I should do a gofundme page, what say you? Any additional ideas and/or help (i.e. service or item to be auctioned, crafts or baked goods for the craft/bake sale, helping with the car wash) is welcomed.