I am not in school right now. I do not have a
job right now. I am not pursuing a job right now. I am not planning on going
back to school. In the world's eye, I am a lazy, piece of crap who is not doing
anything with her life. The population says that I need to either be working,
or studying something to make me a better worker. Even the government who knows
that I have shortcomings due to my TBI wants me to be doing way more school
than I'm even capable or working full time. But to my Heavenly Father and me,
we are going to work way harder on making me a better, stronger, more resilient
person this year than ever before.
I am pleased to report that I have never
worked as hard at recovery over this TBI as I am right now. While I was in the
hospital, I jumped as far as physical recovery. When I initially went back to
school, I jumped as far as cognitive recovery. But I have never even given
myself the chance to emotionally recover. If you are emotionally broken, you
can't do anything very effectively; and I don't know about anyone else's
injuries, but I know that my injury caused a great deal of emotional heartbreak
that will require a great deal of recovery. The hardest part is that everything
I do is somehow tied back to the injury and says “you can’t do this anymore,”
which is something that I have to deal with every single day. So it’s not just
emotional recovery immediately after the injury, it’s baggage that consistently
grows. I’ve decided that I need to work my way through this part, as hard as it
is, so that I can continue to move forward in life without so many weights
holding me down.
This is one of the hardest,
most draining – even physically – things to deal with at times. I’ve only been
focused on this for a month and I’m already constantly exhausted. But I still
have so much work to do. I’m having so many struggles with many aspects in my
life and different recognitions. I’ll (hopefully) continue to write more about
these things. But, I guess the only thing that I can say at this point, is Bring
it On 2015!
