There are some times where I feel that I am still in the rough of this emotional recovery. There are some times where it is just really, really bad and I just feel awful and I cry. But the rest of the time, I ask the same question as everyone else, "what the crap am I doing?"
And it's difficult; let me explain why. I'll start with school. I was informed a while back that Vocational Rehab would not fund my education if I went back to school this year. Furthermore, one day as I was contemplating what I should do with my life, I had a strong feeling that school is not something that I should continue pursuing. I felt like this was something the spirit was telling me, so although I am capable, it is something that is not worthwhile. I am going to follow that inspiration.
Next, work. I have enough limitations that I can't do many - dare I say most - jobs; especially entry level positions. When school doesn't seem to be an avenue for me, I want a job I can see a future in, but all of these kinds of jobs require a degree. Since I don't have a degree I'm stuck. Although I have applied for some jobs, and I've gotten called in for an interview. I felt I interviewed very well, yet I didn't get the job. Is this the Lord telling me that it's not time for me to have a job yet?
Okay, so then what do I do? If school and work are both out, then what? I can't go on a mission, I can't travel for too long, etc. How about focusing on relationships? I don't know where to start. Friends that I have made (from school, work, in my ward, etc) don't care after I am out of their presence. No, I am not talking about they don't call, we don't see each other, we don't hang out. Although all of that is true, I am talking about these people not answering my calls or texts, they won't talk to me. I have been through enough heartache and loss that I can take people leaving me, but what still gets to me, is when people just leave and they won't tell you why. When people just walk away and they never look back. So yeah, relationships seem to be a pitfall too.
So what should I do Heavenly Father, what should I do?
Shannon-Riley, way to "study it out"!!! I'm sure you've considered this already, but may I endorse doing some kind of service. You know every Wednesday morning there is a humanitarian project at the church southwest of the Timpanogos Temple from 9-12. You can drop in any time. When I served at DI, we had different volunteer service projects scheduled throughout the week. You can volunteer by the day at Food and Care Coalition. I'd love to talk to you about some possibilities I know about because of our mission. I'm so proud of you and the way you are working through your challenges and heartaches. You are valiant!!! I'll pray too that you get your answer.
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