Initiation

Let's be honest, I don't post very often. I don't do vision therapy or physical therapy homework very often; I don't clean my apartment very often; I don't make myself food very often; I don't even shower very often. But why? It's not like I forget, it's not like I'm incapable, it's not even like I don't want to! So what is the problem? While yes, resources do play a large part, an even larger part when I am awake, alert and "full" of resources is the initiation. What I mean by this is that I cannot get myself started on a task. After I'm going, (as long as it's not a difficult feat) I'm fine and I can complete the task just fine. The problem is getting started. I cannot explain it, I do not understand it myself except that it is a symptom of a Traumatic Brain Injury. That first step is just too dang hard. It's as if I'm stuck in a pit of mud and can't get out on my own. But as soon as someone pulls me out, then I can walk forward just fine. But nevertheless, I need that pull out. It is something that my brain just won't let me do. It is so challenging and extremely difficult - especially when you want to do something so badly but you just can't pull yourself up to do it. It is something that is VERY real because of the direct physical injury to the brain.