Another Tonyaism :)

So my brother was going through his old emails and he came across this... It's a letter that my mom sent just to give us a little laugh!

We are sitting at kitchen counter finishing breakfast. Dad has finished our scripture time. Looking at the clock, we know we have to keep Tonya moving. So he says to her, "Tonya do you have your shoes on?" She says "no." I came back in the kitchen from the pantry and looked at Tonya's feet and her shoes are on. I said, "Tonya, your shoes are on! why did you say they weren't?" She looked up at me with this horrified look and then said to her Dad, "I lied. I am sorry Dad, I lied to you."

When will my life ever go right? (song)

Okay so this is a song I started writing a little while ago, and I don't think it's finished, but I can't really add to it right now. So I'm posting what I have already (maybe all of it). So here is the song:

When will my life ever go right? –By Shannon Blackham

I am so sick and tired

Of everyone saying this is how I should be

Why can’t my old friends accept the new me?

Why haven’t I gotten close enough

to any of the new, to trust them?

When will my life finally go right?

No one thought I could do

What I’ve done.

But look at how I’ve proved them all wrong.

But, it doesn’t matter, not to anyone.

And instead, I have to continue,

In order to please those who still care at all.

When will my life ever go right?

Now I’m stuck here,

Crying on my bed.

But it doesn’t matter to anyone.

No one knows, and no one sees,

Because no one cares.

When will my life finally go right?

When will I ever get

That special kiss?

The one I so long for?

When will I ever

Have someone to just love me

For who I am?

When will my life ever go right?

Why are all the people I know

Either big lying turds

Or fake and immature?

Blog Picture

So, Shan has been bugging me to change her picture because she says that the old one doesn't depict her right before her accident. (she wanted people to see how much hair she had to loose) I finally figured out how to change it. So I did, to her request. That's all.

I'm going to post more! Promise.

Alright, so as I have gotten a whole lot of new insights, songs, (bothersome) conversations, and of course Tonyaisms, I promise I will be updating this thing SO MUCH more. Right now it is very late, but I will be posting on here much more often, I promise. I probably won't be posting everyday, so it's absolutely not necessary that you check my blog like you did when I was still in the hospital, but over the next little while I would encourage you to check it regularly, I mean if any of you still cares of course. If not, then don't even bother, obviously. But, anyway, I'll just give you a sneak peak really fast and include one really fast Tonyaism. (the next one on the list of Tonyaisms since the last time I posted one) Okay, so once upon a time, I was sitting on my bed in my room. My room is right across from mine and Tonya's bathroom. So we have this full length mirror on that door. So as I'm just chillaxing on my bed, I see Tonya. She's looking in the full length mirror just like moving her body up and down... I don't really know how to describe it. But anyway, so then we had this conversation: “Tonya, what are you doing?” “Oh, I’m just shaking my body.” “Why?” “Because I wanted to.” So, now in my household, we typically say things such as, "Are you doing that just because you wanted to?" Yeah, stuff like that! :) Anyway, tune in soon for more! :)

Senior Pictures

I just uploaded my Senior Pictures on here! You get to them the same way you got to the pictures of me in the hospital! :)

-Shannon

Term 4 and Future

Dear Fellow Readers,

So I decided I have not updated my blog in a LONG time, but for good reason. One word. School. But graduation is tomorrow! So for any of you Utah folks who are not seniors (or just are not going to the all night party) feel free to come on over tomorrow night and party! We will do something fun! But, anyway, so this term has been SO hard. To begin with, I started off this term without being there. This is the time when I was in the hospital, so I missed quite a few school days. Which did not help me out at all. So since then, I have been making up everything from when I was gone, and then as soon as I finally think I have it all done, I find out that there was something that my teacher’s didn’t tell me that I needed to do. But so even after I got all of those things done, I was still extremely discouraged. I had 2 Bs in my classes. But then I had to do all sorts of different things to finally get my grade in AP Biology up to an A. Seems good, right? But, I was still sooo scared for AP Stats, especially since this teacher is a first year teacher who has no mercy. Even with all that I had done, I still had a B. So, then I looked at what the heck could’ve gone wrong and I noticed that 2 of my test scores were not where they should be. So, I asked the teacher if I could retake those tests. And due to the 504, I was able to retake one of the tests, the other test was a test from term 3 that we transferred over to term 4 so I could not retake that one. But, I retook that one, did a whole honkin’ huge ton of extra credit, took another test to replace my lowest test score, etc, etc, etc. Then I looked at my grade last night, put in 100% of what I would get on the project today and it turned out to be a 92.25. Unfortunately, on her grading system, you need a 92.5 in order to have an A. So I was SO upset! Worst story of my life! But, when I went up to talk to her today, she was like, “Oh, I still need to put that test in for you!” (the one I retook) So after she put that in…. guess what happened?? Bumped me up to well-over the bare minimum for an A! So, yep, that’s that class. So am I really saying what you think I’m saying? OH YES!!! One more 4.0!!!!!!! Which is actually kind of ridiculous because ask my parents, all term I have been saying, I can’t get a 4.0 this term, I just can’t. I won’t be able to do it again. So, for anyone who rejoices in my triumphs, I’m sorry, but the rejoicing is over. I’m going to college next year where I will NOT get a 4.0!

So, that’s school. Next, let’s talk about….. I don’t know my most recent surgery? So last Friday (May 27^th I think) I got my wisdom teeth pulled. So yeah, my face did swell up pretty bad, and I have a gynormous bruise on my cheek. It still hurts pretty bad. You cannot touch my cheeks, and sometimes my teeth will just hurt, for no apparent reason, but yeah, whatever. My next possible surgery is me going back to my beloved Dr. Walker and Dr. Maloney. If the bone in my head is still dissolving, they are most likely going to take out my skull again, and put a plate in its place. If not that, they will at least remove all of the gross annoying loose screws. Then, hopefully either shift my bone or the plate so that it gets rid of this terrible ridge I have in my forehead.

Okay, so let’s move on, now we shall go to….. graduation? So I am graduating now in less than 28 hours! I’m so stoked! I just wanted to let out a great big thanks to those of you who have sent me a “congratulations” present. Namely, Scott and Nikki Blackham, The whole Miller Family, and Dr. Chris Maloney! Thank you SO MUCH guys!

Now, as for summer, I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do. I need to find a job. Any leads from anyone? And I’m planning lots of trips to go out and see the rest of my family (brothers who live out of state) and also my cousin and yep, other than that, I have no clue. I don't really have a very good close friend anymore so it might be a long, hard summer for me. So I’m going to spend my summer home, with my family. And then I’m going to go out to visit family. Then go visit more family. Oh and then one more member of my family. I mean, I’m not trying to complain or anything, but family literally 24/7?? Are you kiddin?!

Which actually leads me to another topic. I can’t trust anyone. After my trust has been broken SO MANY times with people who I thought would be there for me through thick and thin, they just weren’t there as soon as the thick started rolling in. Even the people who I considered essentially just like a sister/brother to me. All of them are gone now. They only speak to me on rare occasions when it would make them look rude for not talking to me. So, hence the trust issue. It makes it really hard to trust anyone anymore. That leads to my issue with ever making any new friends. I mean, how can you make a new friend if you have absolutely zero trust in them? You can’t. I just feel like I have lost all those deep relationships with the kids my age that I once had.

Okay, so I think that’s about it for now, I’m not totally sure, I can’t really think straight since I have such a terrible headache. But, I will update the blog later, and let you know if that 4.0 is a definite. Because grades are not finalized right now, so you never know what could happen at the last minute…. So, I’m sorry, no new Tonyaisms today, but I will include some more the next time I update the blog, it’s just that this time there was SOOOO much to write about!

Let me know that you are out there!

Love, Shannon