Stay

Over the past 4 weeks, while I've been recovering from major surgery, I've been doing really well. Of course, like everyone else I would still occasionally have my down days, but I started doing a whole bunch of things again. I started heavily on therapies, getting myself prepared to go back to school again, and was doing some amazing things. I decided to invite everyone who has been influential in my life to a gathering at my house where I will start one of the things that I can easily see myself doing for the rest of my life. 

That's irrelevant however. Today I am writing about the challenges I am just beginning to realize. This explains the title of the post. I learned that it seems that any time I leave home things start to get really rough. Even when I am visiting my family - even my entire 22 member family - I still feel lonely. I really don't know how to explain it though because I recognize how wonderful my family is. I just need some connection to home. That or a distraction by some other kids my own age while I'm away. I just cannot handle it when someone blocks me on facebook, someone won't answer my calls, or when I'm going through a meltdown and no one picks up their phone, all while I'm away from home. I just can't handle it. So the reason for the title is that I decided that I just need to stay at home. But then again, really, what is home anymore? I am such a mess.