In Junior High, I wrote a song that talked about breaking 3
hearts; the guy I liked, a guy who liked me and my own heart. I was distraught because
I was hurting people who I loved and they were hurting me. When I wrote that
song, I thought I was absolute scum because I had led the guy who liked me on,
when I knew that I liked someone else. In Junior High, I thought that a person couldn’t
get much worse.
Today I
know differently. Today I haven’t hurt only three people I love, I’ve hurt
virtually everyone. I have hurt every single one of my peers to the point of no
return – meaning that they will not ever respond to my desperate cry for help.
I have hurt all of my family, mostly by them trying so hard to help me, and I
have never made it out of the sorrow that keeps pulling me down. They see my pain, my heartache, my loss of
hope, and they feel helpless.
With
every past experience, you feel like nothing has ever been quite so bad. You
can’t believe how much you are hurting, and you just want to express that it is
worse than anything else. Of course, you don’t know what lays ahead, the pain
that may await you in the future. The more experiences you have, the more you
can put your own life in perspective. I just hope that nothing even worse than
this waits for me ahead. As soon as I get out of my hometown, make a fresh new
start, clean from everyone I have ever known, hopefully, I’ll be able to be
strong enough to start over, to have a decent life once again.
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