Sunday, February 23, 2014

Memory of Past, Pain of Today, and Fear of Tomorrow

         In Junior High, I wrote a song that talked about breaking 3 hearts; the guy I liked, a guy who liked me and my own heart. I was distraught because I was hurting people who I loved and they were hurting me. When I wrote that song, I thought I was absolute scum because I had led the guy who liked me on, when I knew that I liked someone else.  In Junior High, I thought that a person couldn’t get much worse.
        Today I know differently. Today I haven’t hurt only three people I love, I’ve hurt virtually everyone. I have hurt every single one of my peers to the point of no return – meaning that they will not ever respond to my desperate cry for help. I have hurt all of my family, mostly by them trying so hard to help me, and I have never made it out of the sorrow that keeps pulling me down.  They see my pain, my heartache, my loss of hope, and they feel helpless.  
        With every past experience, you feel like nothing has ever been quite so bad. You can’t believe how much you are hurting, and you just want to express that it is worse than anything else. Of course, you don’t know what lays ahead, the pain that may await you in the future. The more experiences you have, the more you can put your own life in perspective. I just hope that nothing even worse than this waits for me ahead. As soon as I get out of my hometown, make a fresh new start, clean from everyone I have ever known, hopefully, I’ll be able to be strong enough to start over, to have a decent life once again. 

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