Elder Lawrence's talk on Saturday morning instructed us to go to the Lord and ask "What lack I yet?" or "what do I need to do to further my own progression?" Between sessions on Sunday, I went upstairs, knelt down and did just that. I didn't get any sort of answer like Elder Lawrence talked about. I didn't feel the Holy Ghost telling me what I needed to do next. But instead, I gained so much more.
Let me talk about two things that occurred. First, I distinctly realized as I was communicating with my Father in Heaven that I am the same person, the same beloved daughter of God that I always have been. The same spirit I was before the accident. Yes, the TBI gets in the way all too often, especially in my dealings with other people, but in the end, in Heavenly Father's eyes, I am still His righteous daughter. So, as I was beginning to do anyway, I have changed everything back to Shannon Blackham. (P.S. I have an instagram account -ShannonBlackham- and you should follow me!)
But the second thing is far more important. I learned why I am still here. Yes there have been little things along the way that I've said, "maybe..." but no, now I know. It is none of the "maybes" from before. The reason why I chose to live is because I said "Lord, I will return to be a living, walking, breathing testament of thy reality, of thy love, and of thy infinite atonement." So this is what I have decided to change my life to be. After having this newly acquired vision, I have felt so much better, so much stronger. I have been able to take things that would have been devastating even hours before, I have been able to resist temptation when it is right in front of me. I have the desire to do good continually. Because I am here - quite literally, I am here to show the world that we have a Father in Heaven who sent His Son, who came as a baby and changed the world. Through Him we can each do things we never thought possible. Through His infinite atonement, we do not have to suffer alone, and our sufferings can be made light. I am a living testament of that. As such, I will go throughout the world proclaiming His name and rejoicing in His grace.