Low Update

Update on life: First of all I didn't realize how long it had been since I had posted. My life has been pretty bad for the last little while. I am not sure if I don't want to post because I want this blog to be a message of hope, or I don't want to be accused of just seeking pity, or being the victim, or simply because every second of my life takes enough of my resources that at the end of the day writing a blogpost is just more than I can handle. Either way, I have hit a low, and at times, this low has been deeper than it has been in years. I'm in school again which is always extremely difficult; this time I'm taking a few physically demanding classes which literally makes me come home and cry. I'm also in a Chemistry class that I think I really understand but I just found out I scored way worse on the test than I thought I would. And it's at 10:00 everyday - my schedule saying I should be up by 6:30 every morning - and for the first time in my life, I need to sleep in. I skipped this phase as a teenager, even as a post-TBI survivor for a very long time. But it appears my brain may very well be doing so much repair work while I'm sleeping that waking up early halts all that progress and sends me for a big loop. I have been without a roommate or friend for quite a while. Vocational Rehab also changed up counselors and my new counselor does not understand anything about TBIs. TBIs are very challenging to work with, but they are much, much more challenging to live with. We are still people and we deserve to be treated as such. Just because we (everyone with a disability) have limitations does not mean that we are any less of a person. I've known this all my life, and now I know it from firsthand experience. I still think critically, intellectually, logically and emotionally. I have greater limitations than most, but I also have greater empathy than most. I say all of these things not to raise my high horse but in an attempt to believe that I am worth something when everyone, everywhere, and everything around me tells me I'm not.
The real reason for writing this post: I do not feel like I could do my grandmother justice if I honored her in this post after everything I've just written about myself. So I won't do that. I will write a little now, and have a detailed post hopefully later. My last living grandparent, my maternal grandma passed away at 10:55 on February 1st. So many things that were unfortunate about the timing of all of this, including it was just over an hour away from my parents anniversary. For some reason my grandparents like to leave me right after a prophet leaves me too. So as if all of the losses from the accident weren't enough, let's add some more on.