Never Mind

Last time I posted about how excited I was about this global pandemic. My feelings have changed; primarily because of the actions of others; because my life hasn't changed much, nor has it for any severe TBI survivor.

I saw the above picture on facebook the other day and like hundreds of other TBI survivors, I realized that my life has been in this kind of crisis ever since the accident. So, why are you asking me if I'm okay when I have had to make minimum to no changes to my life? Why didn't you ask me how I was doing for the last TEN years while my life has been a constant battle? People freak out saying, "my life is over!" because their summer plans or graduation got canceled. No. You're life is NOT over; don't mess with me until all of your future plans get taken away from you permanently, you lose all of your cognitive, physical, social, mental skills, you lose all of your friends and relationships, you lose much of your personality/identity and memories, and you still have to live in that body/situation. Then and only then can you complain about your life being over. You are only beginning to understand what my everyday life feels like.
I don't understand why even in a global crisis, people are still self-centered. I can absolutely understand being bummed, but your life isn't over.

Excited?!?!

I have been tossed, shaken, thrown about, shattered more times than one can imagine. I live in a world of unpredictability and uncertainty. Although depression has really gotten a deep hold on me as of late and I've been very apathetic, only feeling emotions of despair and hopelessness, I have found an unexpected validation in the whole Coronavirus pandemic. While no one has related the panic to me, I know that the whole world is beginning to have just a taste of what I experience every day. It's like my sister constantly asks Alexa, "when will the Coronavirus be over?" While she may not understand that we just don't know, I think 'we' all would like that answer. However, we have the knowledge that someday medical advances will be able to tame the outbreak. Unfortunately, I also have the knowledge that for me, a TBI is a lifelong thing. 

But I am not worried at all about COVID-19. In fact, I am super excited about it. When I felt the earthquake on Wednesday, I was elated! What is wrong with me? I am SO excited for the 2nd Coming of Jesus Christ and I think we are just beginning to see the start of the destruction before it happens. The 2nd Coming is when I will finally say that my TBI can be over! As I've talked with a friend about some of the struggles I face, I realize that I haven't even described the extreme difficulties of everyday. (Hopefully I'll do that in a later post).