Shannon at a Conference

Well, I've needed to update for a LONG time. And I still really don't want to, but let's see what I can do. About a month ago an article came out titled "Adrian Peterson's Son's Death Shouldn't Be Just Another Brain Injury Statistic." Obviously, the title intrigued me, so I read it. The statistics towards the end of the article astounded me. The statistics are, "Every 40 seconds, another American youth enters an Emergency Department with a new brain injury (over 765,000 ED visits each year); More than 80,000 American youth are hospitalized due to a brain injury each year; More than 11,000 American youth die due to a brain injury each year; Approximately 1,300 American infants suffer a severe or fatal brain injury from child abuse each year (it is estimated about 75-85 percent of all brain injuries are not labeled "severe" or "fatal")." This inspired me to make a change; to become a TBI advocate. Little did I notice however, that the statistics from the article on Adrian Peterson's son only focuses on youth. For example, it's not simply over 765,000 each year in total, it's over 1.7 MILLION new TBIs each year in total. Right around the time that I had started doing all of this research, my English professor told my class of an extra credit opportunity that we could attend. We could go to a Conference, held by the school, write a report on one of the sessions we attended and turn it in to get extra credit. The topic of the Conference was "Writing for Social Change." The due date to speak at the conference was in less than 48 hours, but I decided that I was going to submit a proposal. "The Writing for Social Change Conference focuses on the power of writing to change the world. Participants include UVU students and community members who submit academic research and creative writing on social change - including issues of the environment, poverty, globalization, and immigration."
I got accepted to speak at the conference and so I started gathering more research and preparing a presentation on Traumatic Brain Injuries. I worked super hard on this presentation to get it just perfect. Because of my previous debate experience, at first I really didn't think it was a big deal. But as I continued talking to people, I began to realize that it was a Conference, at a University, which means that it kind of was a big deal. At least that's what I thought until I got there and listened to the other students' speeches. For one reason or another (lack of research, just complaining, etc) in response to everyone before my hour I thought, "Are you freaking kidding me??" 
My hour was much better. The two students that presented before me had much better argumentation. Everyone who has spoken to me said that the first one had only facts, and the second had only stories, but I had a perfect combination of the two. I also had a power-point presentation whereas the other two did not. I worked on this presentation FoReVeR! 
That was on the 15th of November. Since then, my life has gone to family only. 

How to Help Someone with Depression

“If you had appendicitis, [any one] would expect you to …get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders.” (Holland) Some of the things that I will write on this post apply to anyone and everyone, but you must understand that it is amplified if you have depression. Furthermore, you must understand that it doesn’t matter how right what you’re saying may be, the person with depression has an entirely different perception of reality, so what may seem obvious to you, may seem like a fantasy to them. Likewise you may have had depression and something may have worked for you but you must understand that depression affects each individual, individually. Finally, don’t give up on them; one day they will be able to find happiness and you both will be so grateful if you stuck by them (Miller).

Things you should NEVER say to someone with depression:

1.       It’s really not that bad. / It could be worse.
2.        Count your blessings! / Look at all the good in your life.
3.       It’s never helpful to tell them to do something, as counterintuitive as that may seem, it honestly just makes the person with depression really frustrated. Don’t tell them to do something like, go for a walk, exercise, do something productive, pray, read your scriptures, etc.
4.       Things will get better.
5.        Do not EVER make promises if you don’t plan on follow through.
6.       It’s all in your head. While that may be true, it is because of imbalance of biochemicals in the brain, which means telling us this will not change anything.
7.        Stop being crazy/stupid.
8.        Smile or Just be happy!
9.        It’s ultimately your choice, You just have to choose to be happy, etc

“But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively.” (Holland)

10. Finally do NOT EVER pretend like you know their life or their challenges. You can say that you can relate, and explain, but do NOT ever say “I know exactly how you feel.”

Things you should do to help someone with depression:

1.       Tell them the honest truth, especially if it is regarding them. This (honesty) may just be something that only I find very valuable, but believe me that at least if it is concerning how someone comes across to others or a characteristic that makes people run, everyone wants to be informed of these things.
2.        Offer help ANYTIME. But only if you mean it, goes back to don’t make promises if you don’t plan on follow through. Often times people struggling with depression, don’t know what kind of help they need, but they need to know that there are people there if they did need some.
3.        Always be a listening ear. Don’t try to fix their problems when they tell you everything. Just listen. Just be there.
4.        Tell them that you don’t understand. You can tell them that you wish that you did, but it is so meaningful when you hear someone say, “gosh, that’s really rough, I have no idea what that’s like.”
5.        Talk to them like they are a totally normal person. 100% of the time. Even when they are being crazy, treat them like anyone else.
6.        Find something they enjoy and do it with them often. (For example, I love football, if I had a group of friends offer to play football with me on a weekly basis, I would be so down for that, but when someone tells me to exercise at least 3 times a week, I want to tell them to fall in a ditch.)
7.        Tell them that they are okay, good, pretty, etc more times and more times than you think should ever be necessary. If you think you’ve already told them, doesn’t matter; tell them again. Tell them you enjoy them. Continue to tell them constantly. It probably will seem annoying; it may seem repetitive, but it will keep them sane.
8.        Similar to the last, be extremely (to the point that you probably think it’s obnoxiously) present in his/her life. This does not mean that you need to spend every waking second with them. It does not even mean you need to see them every day, or week. No, this means, just call them once in a while to check in, send them a text, a facebook message, something that lets them know that you are thinking about them. Or, for some of the insane cases, (like myself) that lets them know that you are still alive.
9.        If you want them to do something more, compliment them on it when they do it. For example, if you really like how they go out of their way to help others, tell them and they will do it more.

Finally, please, just stay by the person with depression’s side. Stand by them when life hits them hard; because as human beings, we often overestimate everyone else. We think that if we disappear, they’ll have so many others, but take it from firsthand experience. That is not the case! Do whatever you can to prove to them that you will be there for them no matter what. 

Please

Please, help me become a better person.
Please don't abandon me.
Please don't leave without any explanation.
Please, stay with me, help me correct my wrongs, teach me how to do things right, please.

Please show me why I did NOT get 100%, instead of why I DID get 93%.
Please teach me how I can do better.
Please stay by me when life gets tough, not simply when life is perfect.

Please stop trying to push me around.
Please don't cut off support if I do or do not do something.
Please just be my friend.
Please be a listening ear, be a shoulder to cry on, because you know that I'll always be that for you.

Please help me stand when I am weak.
Please let me help you when I'm feeling strong.
Please, teach me what I can work on.
Please help me improve myself.

Please, don't make this a one-way street.
Please give a little if you're going to take a lot.
Please, reach out to me, don't make me have to crawl, to beg for your help.
Please, when I'm doing okay, please, let me help you. Please know that I am okay and the best medicine of all is to help other people.

Seeking

I found this poem that I had surprisingly written before the accident. Crazy how much it applies again today.

Seeking
Darkness.
Black.
Lost.
Gone.

Need Light.
Purity.
Acceptance.
Home.

Seeking.
Seeking these things.
Seeking me.

Where am I?
Where have I gone?
I am not here.
Only darkness.
Black.
Lost.
Gone.

Seeking.
I am seeking.
Seeking for joy and happiness.
Seeking for me.

The Shannon Way

So I've always thought that my blog wasn't supposed to be about my life necessarily, just about my recovery. That's why all of my posts and stuff have only been about surgeries and stuff like that. When I talked to my aunts today they said that I needed to post about some of the recent events in my life. I knew that that was true because some of it does relate to my recovery, but when I was retrieving pictures from my phone, I realized how out of the loop you blog-readers are! So, today I will inform you of a little bit more than I normally do.
First, we should jump back to before the surgery on May 3rd for just a second. In April, I was able to meet my entire immediate (siblings, in-laws, and children) family in Florida for a family reunion of sorts. This was so much fun! And although I was in between medical procedures, that did not stop me from getting all my nieces and nephews together to have a blast!

glow stick dance party

Chad's kids at Disney World

 

 Also, my mom says I'm really good at taking cute pictures of her and my dad with their grandchildren, but I don't think it has anything to do with me, just with how cute they are with them!

Lilly, Tonya and Gus

Then I told you how the surgery went. What I did not tell you however, is that once again, I decided that I was going to try college again. I don't know if I told you all before of the challenges I had when I tried to go to BYU before, but it was a total disaster. The biggest reason for this however, was because it was about a month after a reconstructive surgery. This time I decided to go back to school about 6 weeks after a reconstructive surgery.... Idiot, right? Yeah. But this time, I pulled it off. This time I had an incredible professor, Dr. David Bringhurst, who had worked with TBI victims in the past although this was his first time being a professor. So we worked together and I freaked out over tests. The midterm I only got an 82% on and so I was freaking out for the final. But with much study, not only did I get the highest grade on the final (49/50 = 98%) but I also got the highest score in the class as a whole (102.4%). So yes, this time I not only succeeded, but I excelled, the Shannon way.
The week after school got out, I was running around being a bridesmaid for my cousin, Ashlee. Then the day after her last shindig, I got on an airplane to go visit my brother in North Carolina. In North Carolina I brought all kinds of crafts to do with my nieces and nephews. Below are some of the pictures of the fun times we had. The picture in the middle is a picture of some sun-catcher monkeys that we painted for my sister's baby shower which I hosted the day after I got home. So I have been running around like crazy for the past few weeks, and I don't get to stop because school starts again in 2 days.

Deepest Despair

Well, it's official. I have ultimately reached my all-time low of all lows. For me that actually is saying A LOT. I am more discouraged, depressed, and hopeless than I've ever been. And nothing that anyone has to say can fix it. I have no reason to post this. But then again, I have no reason not to. So goodbye.

Stay

Over the past 4 weeks, while I've been recovering from major surgery, I've been doing really well. Of course, like everyone else I would still occasionally have my down days, but I started doing a whole bunch of things again. I started heavily on therapies, getting myself prepared to go back to school again, and was doing some amazing things. I decided to invite everyone who has been influential in my life to a gathering at my house where I will start one of the things that I can easily see myself doing for the rest of my life. 

That's irrelevant however. Today I am writing about the challenges I am just beginning to realize. This explains the title of the post. I learned that it seems that any time I leave home things start to get really rough. Even when I am visiting my family - even my entire 22 member family - I still feel lonely. I really don't know how to explain it though because I recognize how wonderful my family is. I just need some connection to home. That or a distraction by some other kids my own age while I'm away. I just cannot handle it when someone blocks me on facebook, someone won't answer my calls, or when I'm going through a meltdown and no one picks up their phone, all while I'm away from home. I just can't handle it. So the reason for the title is that I decided that I just need to stay at home. But then again, really, what is home anymore? I am such a mess.