Brain Injury Awareness 2022

This year I'm going to do Brain Injury Awareness month a little bit differently. While I encourage you to read up on what a traumatic brain injury is from earlier posts, and also to visit all of March last year for more information, this year I'm going to talk about things I have learned from having this injury. Things I have learned about the debilitating disability itself, as well as the miracles that have come out of it; the wonderful lessons I have learned about who I am, and the great sacrifice we all made to come to the Earth, especially at this time. 

It is still something very hard for me to say that I am grateful for the injury. I think to the past often with great sadness, longing, and desire for a do-over. I weep at the friendships, skills and knowledge I have lost. I continue to grieve the literal loss of myself. I have so many pains and struggles that have become so normal to me that it amazes me that other people don't have to deal with all the crap I do. Yet I still feel terrible, insignificant, and worthless that I can't seem to achieve temporal achievements like I once could, and everyone else can. I struggle to know whether or not I should be ambiguous and vague when a first date asks me where I work or if I should straight up tell them about the TBI. My heart aches over the loss of all that I have lost, or missed out on, but most especially relationships. I have so much love in my heart for each and every person I ever meet. 

However, all of that is not to say that I have not found strength when I've needed it most. That is not to say that I have not found peace and comfort in the amazing gift of the Holy Ghost. That is not to say that I have not been blessed with the most amazing family, gift of my knowledge of the true gospel, my love for learning, the love I have for service, my intellect, and yes, even my great love. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing opportunities, like going to the Philippines, meeting the most adorable children, being able to serve, having some amazing therapists, and once again, having a family beyond words. This road has not been easy. There are so many things that are bittersweet, but mostly bitter, at least right now. But I'm excited to share some of the things I've learned.