I have had to remove myself from
this situation a number of times so that I could write this post without so
much anger. But, as you can tell from the title, what I am going to write
creates a lot of irritation within my bones.
People, who often have good intentions,
make some of the most insulting comments to me and others who invisibly struggle.
“Stop blaming everything on the TBI.” “If you actually put some effort into
wanting to get better, you’d be leaps and bounds ahead of where you are now.” “You
really milk the TBI for all that you possibly can.” “You’re just being lazy.” “You
can’t keep blaming all of your mistakes or poor judgements on the TBI.” “If you
refocused your dreams and desires, then you’d be fine.” “Why can’t you just be
happy? I do everything I can to help you!” etc. etc. etc.
The most frustrating thing is that I hear these phrases so, so, so very often. Even worse is that they come from people who spend a lot of time with me. Sometimes it comes from a forgetfulness of the challenges I struggle with because they are so “invisible.” Other times it is because of sheer ignorance, or people who simply will not accept that anything is difficult for me. It is especially difficult because I struggle with those exact feelings CONSTANTLY. My brain is in constant battle – one part telling myself that I should be able to do more than I am doing and the other expressing complete and total exhaustion. So please don’t add fuel to the fire. On a personal note, inside of myself, I have so much passion, such a burning fire and drive to do so much more than what is humanly possible – even for someone without a TBI.
To bring this home across people other than those struggling with a TBI, you NEVER know what someone else is struggling with. It is easy to see the struggles of those confined to a wheelchair, or someone that you know just lost a loved one. But you probably don't know the conflicts going on inside of their head every day. You don't know the fatigue - physical or cognitive - that they may be facing. Please, see others with kindness and understand that you don't know what their struggle is.
The most frustrating thing is that I hear these phrases so, so, so very often. Even worse is that they come from people who spend a lot of time with me. Sometimes it comes from a forgetfulness of the challenges I struggle with because they are so “invisible.” Other times it is because of sheer ignorance, or people who simply will not accept that anything is difficult for me. It is especially difficult because I struggle with those exact feelings CONSTANTLY. My brain is in constant battle – one part telling myself that I should be able to do more than I am doing and the other expressing complete and total exhaustion. So please don’t add fuel to the fire. On a personal note, inside of myself, I have so much passion, such a burning fire and drive to do so much more than what is humanly possible – even for someone without a TBI.
To bring this home across people other than those struggling with a TBI, you NEVER know what someone else is struggling with. It is easy to see the struggles of those confined to a wheelchair, or someone that you know just lost a loved one. But you probably don't know the conflicts going on inside of their head every day. You don't know the fatigue - physical or cognitive - that they may be facing. Please, see others with kindness and understand that you don't know what their struggle is.
I am sure that really hurts Shannon. I know how hard you work at getting better. You are where you are today because of your determination and fight. You beat up on yourself enough that others don't need to add to it. But I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "forgetfulness of your challenges". You are so amazing at covering up the challenges, that it can be easy for us to forget. When I think about what you are doing, overcoming, fighting, struggling to conquer, and seeing you succeed --- it's no wonder that I think of you as my SUPERSTAR!!
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