"You're Not Busy"

 “Lilly, come give grandpa a hug!” “mmm… I too busy right now!” was the response my dad got from my niece when she was about 3 years old. People often don’t think that (TBI) warriors can ever use this as a reason (not excuse). The cause is largely because of the invisibility of brain injuries, resource depletion, and constant rebuilding of self on the inside. Not only does just living our daily lives exhaust us, but we have many, many different appointments to try to regain any sense of normalcy. We also still feel like us on the inside, so we hold on to things that we used to do or dream. Let me illustrate that a little bit:

The new brain therapy that I briefly mentioned earlier on is destroying me. It is attacking my brain via MULTIPLE stimuli which in turn makes my brain angry, my body exhausted, and tenses every single muscle. I cannot do much of anything after all of this. Yet, this is something that needs to be done every single day for 2 months to be effective. So, I am running on zero fumes.

But, at the same time, I cannot stop parts of my regular life. I can’t stop some therapies that although draining, are extremely beneficial. I cannot stop seeing my dermatologist nor psychiatrist. I can’t stop taking any of my medications – despite any side effects. I can’t stop going to my physical therapist, neuromuscular therapist, nor chiropractor simply because my body needs them now more than ever. Not to mention I’m getting more “TBIgraines” than usual.

Then the “ME” – what I, as Shannon wants to be doing. Things like going back to school in April and taking one of the hardest classes – so I want to prepare for it by learning as much as I can before the class starts. Additionally, posting about traumatic brain injuries every day in March on my blog. Brain injuries are something I’m very passionate about (for obvious reasons) and there is simply not enough awareness out there.

Those with a traumatic brain injury are some of the strongest – and busiest – people you’ll ever meet. Even though we may not look busy from the outside looking in, the inside is moving faster than you’ll ever know.

The Tide Takes Over

 Quick word from me: 

I have just started some INTENSE new therapies that work my brain hard. Using multiple different methods (Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber, Theta Bed, rTranscranial Magnetic Stimulation, passive neurofeedback, among others that I am not fully aware of yet) the current neuropathways are being disrupted in my brain to reform "proper" ones. If that doesn't make any sense, that's okay. It essentially means that I'm undergoing a lot of different systems to make my brain work better. 

It is almost 11:00 PM. I am going to do this every freaking day for the next 2 months. I have barely functioned today. I have not been capable of doing anything but rest since I got home today. But in light of Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness month, I felt like I really wanted to post something, but I knew that this would be it. I asked my blessed mother to help me. So, she has written a few posts to help me out over the next 3 weeks. So, this is her input for today.

There are days like today, when Shannon has done way more than she can tolerate well. Those

days become very overwhelming and depressing for her because she can’t accept that she can’t

do everything that she always plans. Today is one of those days. She has taken this daily blog

writing for Brain Injury Awareness Month very seriously and she desperately wanted to post

every day. So to relieve some stress for her, I told her that I would post for her. She sets her

mind to something and she becomes so deeply committed to following through that she can

make her life miserable. If you want words of wisdom from her, I recommend that you read

other blog posts that she has made. One of the favorite of mine is the one about helping

someone with depression.

Just a tidbit about why all brain injuries are so different is because of the location of the injury.

Each part of our brain affects different aspects for who we are, what we are, what we do, what

we say, etc. If you want to know what part of the brain is responsible for what, Shannon could

tell you!! For Shannon, her accident involved her frontal lobe. According to neuroskills.com

“The frontal lobes are involved in motor function, problem solving, spontaneity, memory,

language, initiation, judgement, impulse control, and social and sexual behavior.”

Battle Fatigue

A healing brain is constantly working at a million miles a second in 300 different directions. All the while, our minds are still trying to process what has happened to us. In the matter of a split second our entire world changed. Those of us who suffered a severe  brain injury, lost everyone we knew and loved, lost all of the experiences we ever had and lost everything we ever knew - even to the core of ourselves. The grief is unimaginable, inexplainable and treacherous beyond words. To top it all off, it will last the rest of our lives. It does not matter what we do or where we turn, something is different or feels off and we are reminded of everything we lost. I will post more on grieving later on in the month. But today, I wanted to make a post stating that while there are a lot of fascinating things to know about the brain and injuries that can occur, I'm still living with one. 

It's a constant battle, trying to let go of the past, but hold on to ourselves. The fight between holding on and letting go is draining and all that we want is to return to the person we were before. We will never get that, and every reminder stings. Because of the ultimate exhaustion, you need to give me some grace when it comes to posting great things every day!