Have you ever been so tired that you can't sleep? Where everything hurts? And all you can do is cry?? Yes, that's me. Has been for the last couple of days. It happens every so often to me, and to the majority of my fellow warriors. How?
We (or our brains) still believe that we are capable of everything that we used to be able to do. We strive to function at the same level to the point of absolute debilitation. Even as we begin to feel the fatigue sink in, the drive to move forward (or backwards - to our 'original self') digs in deeper.
For example, on Wednesday I went to this "new therapy" (we'll refer to as work) in the morning. Then I went to physical therapy and back to work. On Thursday, I went to work, went and skied for an hour and came home to lead a discussion with my friends on grief. Then on Friday I headed back up to work and returned to Park City to visit my brother and his family. All of these things could've been done without even thinking about it prior to the accident. But in current reality, Saturday I was unable to do anything. I couldn't even relax. My body was so fatigued and furious with me. Sunday (today) has been the same way. I haven't gone to church, I haven't been able to think clearly. Over the last 2 days there has been a lot of outbursts of random crying. There has been a lot of pain, and worst of all, I haven't been able to sleep through any of it!
Sleep is a struggle for those with a traumatic brain injury. It becomes even worse when you engage in this sort of behavior. Please be compassionate and understanding by realizing that the "poor decisions" they seem to be making come from a place of brokenness, not stupidity nor immaturity. It is extremely challenging to limit yourself physically when your mind tells you that you can do all that you want to do.
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