This is Kate. I have made a blog on my website and my mom wanted to share my story. I am going to copy and paste my blog post, but if anyone wants to read more or see my website it is, http://katesphotography.webhop.org/ there is a BLOG section, where I just put up my thoughts. Anyway, here is one of my stories.
June 1, 2010
FEAR and FAITH
I have heard many times in my Life that Fear and Faith cannot exist in the same place. Just like Good and Evil cannot coincide together. I had an experience today that I wanted to share.
Ever since Shannon’s Accident I have had some major Trauma related issues. They are completely normal for individuals who have been through or seen a traumatic experience just as I did with Shan’s accident. The other day it hit me strong. I started to see images, and my body started to get shaky and anxious. I felt similar to the moments during the accident. This is different then just “remembering” for people who have experienced trauma. These visions and experiences feel as if you are re-living the event over and over. In these instances the brain does not know the difference between reality and a memory.
Anyway, I had a sudden feeling of anxiety and the images that have haunted me started flashing in front of me. I lost all ability to think rationally and I started to feel like I needed to scream or cry. In that moment I heard my mom’s voice, a conversation we have had many times before, saying “fear and faith cannot dwell in your heart at the same time.” The overwhelming anxiety started to become too much for me. So in the moment, I simply closed my eyes and started to pray.
“Dear Father in Heaven,
I know that you can hear me. I know that you are aware of me and the situation I am in. I need help. These thoughts and images and feelings are too much for me to handle right now. I know I need to learn from them, but I also need to feel some peace and understanding. God, at this moment I need peace to overcome the feelings of fear in my heart. I need to feel comforted at this moment and know that you are in control. I need to feel peace.”
I pleaded with my Father in Heaven for a few moments, not caring that I was in this crowded place. There have been so many prayers answered in my sisters behalf, but today, it was my prayer that needed to be answered. I immediately understood that God was taking care of me. He was there when Shannon had her accident. He held her and also carried me. I think of the poem “Footprints in the Sand” and in that moment it became very clear that I was being Carried by my Savior. I knew I could not do this alone. I know that Shannon cannot do this alone.
I know that God is aware of me and knows what I am going through. After my prayer, I did feel a sense of peace and some understanding. Although I am not to the point where I can understand WHY this has happened, I do know that God knows what we are all going through. He has picked us all up and carried us when we cannot walk. His arms are extended.
I want to be able to take the time to recognize these miracles in my life. I have seen Shannon conquer many things that Doctors never thought she could do. I know that is a miracle. As my mom says “A Miracle does not mean Instant” As I have thought about that I have come up with my own thoughts about Miracles. The miracles in life are really the blessings that we have. We need to recognize our blessings and miracles. We have them everyday, but if we expect mountains to move before we notice we will miss out on all the miracles in our lives. We also need to be thankful for those miracles and make sure we share our thanks, not only with God but also with others. Sharing our experiences help others gain their faith. So this is my prayer.....I pray that I will learn from myself and remember these moments of peace and small miracles in my own life. It is time to be grateful and joyous for what we have, because God has His hand in all!