Wednesday, June 23, 2010

struggling with depression

Sometimes it is just hard to write on the blog when it isn't all about great success. Yet, I guess without it there is no opposition for us to appreciate those many many days of positive results.
Shannon had such a good day yesterday that we thought we had turned the corner on the depression. No one ever likes to admit to dealing with depression but I asked Shannon if she wanted me to add her sadness to the blog so people could pray for her specific need and she said yes. I can't imagine what it must be like to be out having fun and the next thing you remember is waking up in some hospital not being able to do all the things you used to be able to do and being in pain as well. It is very confusing to her to know that she already knows how to do these things that they are making her do, and yet in doing them, she has difficulty. It doesn't make sense.
If Shannon had had her way today, she would have stayed in bed and slept all day. She wouldn't eat and drank very little. All the docs, nurses and therapists agree that Shannon hasn't been herself for several days-close to a week now. Her headaches are better but she has been having a lot of stomachaches. She had just finished a round of augmentin, an antibiotic that can cause stomach discomfort, we had stopped the stimulant, we stopped the previset which can cause additional stomach issues and discussed any other possibility for physical reasons for Shannon's behaviors. None of them seemed like the whole answer. So we had the neuropsych doctors come and do an evaluation. They definitely believe that she is dealing with depression. They did say that brain injured people do fight with mental health issues more than those without. So that bit of information was added to the whole discussion. In reality we think it was probably a little bit of everything. With Shannon's participation, we decided to go back on the stimulant which helps the antidepressant to work better. We are putting a very detailed schedule together so she has to get up and doing things.We have put some rewards and motivators in place for therapy performance. And then see how things are going in a few days.

One of the things that has been so amazing to me is Shannon's willingness to acknowledge the problem and agree to what it takes to get better. If we ask her if she is depressed, she says yes. She knows what she is dealing with. So at one point today, I picked her up off the bed and put her in the chair and said, "Shannon you know that I am showing you tough love, don't you?" She responded that she did. Then I asked her if she wanted me to stop; she said no. She wants the help to pull her out of the darkness. She would very much just like to go home to her safe confines. I tell you it is very tough when your child cries out, "mommie,please take me home." and you know that you can't and it would not be in her best interest to do so. But still....

Shannon has some amazing adult figures in her life which we have always been grateful for. They can pull Shannon out of the dumps even if it is temporary. They have been up to see Shannon at some of her worse times and made a huge difference in her. They are just all part of God's miracle and His angels.
Quickly i will add one experience that again shows us how mindful the Lord is of us. Shannon was having a really down time and I was getting discouraged. So I text one of these amazing adult individuals that just happens to live only a few blocks away and told her what was happening. She asked if she could come up right then to see Shan. I was hoping that that was what she would say because I didn't have any more ideas to try. I typed a text that simple said, "yes you can". As you know, we don't have great cell coverage in the hospital. But I knew the spot where the phone had to be in order for a text to go through. I was in that spot but the text didn't go through. I had 5 bars showing on my phone. I sent it again. Still it didn't go through. They always went through before in that spot on the second try. Well I tried 3 more times (total of 5) and it wouldn't go through. I began to pray and ask Heavenly Father if there was a reason she shouldn't come now or if it was the adversary stopping things. I couldn't figure it out. I finally text another message saying that I didn't know if she should come up or not. I hit the sent button watching to see if it would go through and it was taking forever. And didn't go through but she came bursting in the room, having run the entire distance to get to the hospital. She felt inspired to bring certain things with her and to just go! She spent the next couple of hours with Shannon and did some amazing things. The Spirit in the room was strong and Shannon began to make the turn around. The Lord sent her because the adversary didn't want her to come make a difference. To me, its yet ANOTHER time that the Lord has expressed His love to me by creating another miracle using one of His angels here on earth! I am so blessed.
And tomorrow will be a better day!


  1. Hey Shan, I know you know what I am going to tell you, but sometimes we all need a little reminder. At those time that you feel you just do not want to do all thats being asked of you, and you just want to curl up and go to sleep, or you just want to go home to your own little world, that is when satan is working the hardest telling you that you can't do it and there is no use trying, that all the miracles that have happened to you thus far are not miracles, because you all ready knew how to do all that before. Shan remember at these times that you are a daughter of our Hevenly Father and he loves you and knows exactly what you are going through, and that everything that you are going through right now and this past month is a miracle, and there is a reason for it all. So at these times just stop for a second and talk to Heavenly Father, acknowledge to him all the little miracles that have happened to you in this past month, and then ask him to help you get through the struggle you are having right now. It may take doing this all day along to help you get through the day, but remember Heavenly Father loves you and he will help you to keep going.
    Shan remember Annika loves you and she really wants to come see you even if it is just for a minute to give you the bracelet she helped to make for you,and she really did help to make it. They were making jewerly at my family reunion and since I do not wear any I could not see making anything for myself but Annika kept staring at the area and looking at the beads so asked her if she wanted to make a bracelet and she said yeah, I asked if she wanted to make it for someone, and she said yeah, then I asked her do you want to make it for Shany, and she said yeah. So I pulled out some beads and showed her and then strung each one she said yes to. Then I asked her if she wanted me to just repeat the pattern she said yeah again so I did and showed her what it looked like when finished and asked her again if that is what she wanted she said yeah again so I had my Aunt put the clasps on and you have a bracelet that Annika made for you and would really, really like to give you. So why don't you ask to see Annika, then maybe your Mom and Dad will let her come see you.

  2. Shanni, Today is the day I have been waiting for for weeks! I get to come see you! I can hardly stand waiting until 4 pm to come! I really have wanted to come before now, but thought I needed to be asked. Silly me. I am always misinterpreting things, but hey, that is just part of me, eh? Well, I hope you are excited to see me and get my bag of stuff I am bringing. I CANNOT WAIT!!! I love you! Soo

  3. So good to see you today, Shannon! I love the new doo - really great looking! I know you are feeling sad and homesick but I know that you are a "tough chick" and you will overcome these challenges so you can go home soon. I am so amazed at the progress you have already made - my gosh! Keep it up, do what you need to do, and things will come together sweetheart. I love you lots!